~ My Children, My Paradise ~

Dear Diary,


How long it's been - I know, I keep saying that - but really, how long it's been! My posts would cover Mehreen's cute little developments and now with the Grace of God, I am blessed with another child; my baby boy Imaad. :) It's been a blissful time of 3 months and I feel in love, in total awe with this cute little bundle of joy!



The moment Imaad was born, Mehreen grew up as a big sister. (She is 2 years old now) She seemed suddenly bigger and it's funny how that naturally occurs - how the process of an additional sibling added to the household, can make the first child instantaneously look way more mature than they actually are. Mehreen is our Princess; she looks like a doll with her curly hair and her love for life. Her naughtiness and that little twinkle in her eye, gives away the next 'masti-bhari sharaarat' (transl: deviant naughtiness). She is a super fast runner and sometimes I wonder whether she will join the Olympics one day with the speed that she's been gifted with. I am not kidding; the kid can run!

Here's a pic of Mehreen standing in the NICU of the hospital where Imaad was admitted for a couple of days. Look at that smile...and believe me, she wasn't being 'picture-ready' for me when I ordered her to stand in front of the mini fireplace. However, her attitude changed immediately, the moment this friendly nurse   offered to take Mehreen's pic. Mehreen started posing! OMG...



I am always sharing my feelings and pictures on Facebook & Twitter, but everything seems so scattered in this digital world, so it's about time I share my feelings and happenings at home, on this platform. I read some of my earlier posts and I'm reminded of the time I wrote them, what was going on in life then and how life is NOW. It's such a blessing to be able to comprehend, acknowledge and cherish your blessings; to point your finger at the very thought or desire you HAD and it's a dream come true for you to HAVE now. I see it as that. I know getting married and having kids may be the natural course of life, but I find it truly extraordinary. I am privileged to stay at home and care for my lovely kids whom I love so very much. They make my every day worthwhile, even with all the exhaustion and the repetitiveness of the days. I always say, this is my best career. And when I am thinking along those lines, thanking Allah for all the amazing things He has blessed us with, I start traveling in my past where I did have a job, the time before marriage where I would be stuck in traffic, running to work to make it on time...those times. They were nice, but not being stuck in traffic and not to worry about financial burdens that we all so easily accumulate - you know, the worldliness of it all - makes me happy to have retired from that life for now. I like the four walls of my abode where I can be clumsy, mommy-ish...where my everyday of waking up consists of organized thoughts of what to do next. Of which kid to take care of next; who is ready? who needs to eat? how about my next feeding for Imaad? A lot of thinking and a lot to do of course, but this 'job' gives me the kind of fulfillment and joy that can never be derived from the worldly accomplishments.

There is so much to GIVE, so much of yourself that sometimes this devotion to your own creation that cries, poops, smiles at you and is 100% reliable on your existence, I believe, that alone can be pretty demanding. You start thinking and comparing the way you were before kids and what on earth you were doing then, haha! And then you look at yourself, the body you've changed into and the very woman you've become; the girlishness of ME of Naila is still there but the woman-ness of ME, the warmth, the care, the nurturing is far more visible. And it's okay. It really is. I love the ME now as I loved her before, but I look at this exterior and I'm amazed how far we've become in my 30 years of living. How incredible the body has been to my existence of producing 'life' on earth. I am truly amazed to see the biology of it, how the science of it takes place in an organ called the uterus, and how the tiniest speck grows into a beautiful baby that is created by our God. He alone puts us on earth and truly to Him we belong.

My children, my Paradise - mashAllah:




Love,
Naila~

The Ramadan Journal: “Oh, Mother!”

Ramadan, like every year, comes with the expectation and the mindset to sacrifice and let go of our inner desires that we seek out each and every day. This materialistic world and our temporary abode must be of some purpose as we strive to become better, faster, healthier than the past 24 hours while we opt for skim milk in our lattes, park a little farther to walk the distance towards material goods and download another iPhone app to the emoticons of our high-maintained, demanding lifestyle. Life is such. Day in, day out. Over and over again.


Once our wishes are fulfilled and we are content with the academic degrees in our hands, the moneys in the bank & our tummies filled with delicious cuisines, we crash onto the sofa, grab the remote control and space out into the world of entertainment that broadcasts the citizens of this nation looking like utter fools in ‘Jersey Shore’ or makes us feel inferior about our bodies, status and societal appearance in the REAL HOUSEWIVES of Fake Town. We’ve arrived at an Era of ‘self-promoted-hoochie-mamma-ness’ where the face of a Kardashian is beautifully enhanced on Vogue’s front cover and the perception of freedom and sexual independence is celebrated through explicit behavior and Lady Gaga-ish expressions.


As a new mom of a nine month old daughter, I’m often frightened to see the girl-next-door change her face with the slippery temptations of today. This sweet, innocent girl we always so familiarize with, isn’t perhaps living next door anymore; she has moved on to the ‘City of Sex and Sin’ where flirtation is an everyday norm and the show of skin is Carrie Bradshaw’s only wardrobe.
Am I freaking out for no reason? Have I become old-fashioned? I don’t consider myself ignorant as I am flexible to adjust to different cultures and embrace people from all walks of life. However, the alarm that is going off in my head, gives me a warning of what I foresee in future; a bratty, spoiled and narcissistic generation of America’s 21st century’s grandchildren. Aha, Facebook/Twitter and Apple deliverers! You’ve netted your worth on pure, unborn souls.


To this, I’d like to stop and pause. Give me a moment to take a deep breathe. No, I did not use an iPhone app to measure the depth and sincerity of my breath. Leave the breathing up to me as it’s still humanly possible, I suppose. On second thought, my breath I don’t own. This world, I don’t possess. And the future? I’m uncertain of! Oh mother! Where are you mother? Why can’t I just rest my head onto your lap, listen to the sweet sounds of your lullabies like children of yesteryear's and fall into blissful sleep? Where can I find my peace and the soothing answers to my ramblings? 


Time for Isha prayers.


“Allahu Akbar” -- God is Great.


I offer my rakaats for Taraveeh Prayers, seated on the carpet floor whilst my daughter is climbing the ‘Great Wall of Mommy’s back’ and pulling onto my silky veil. Her tiny fingers are sturdy enough to help her succeed in the mission she is so eager on accomplishing. I feel her feet softly kicking my ribcage and I smile. I remember the feeling of her movements when expecting last Ramadan. I was ecstatic to carry her and I had flaunted ‘her’ with much elegance. I prayed furiously for a safe pregnancy and delivery sharing a seat next to the elderly in the Mosque whom I’d approach for Salaam and request for prayers. I prayed for my baby’s health, kismet and her every Dua to be heard by Almighty Allah. I knew He knew of my efforts then, but little did I know the gift He was about to shower me with. Today, I sit on the floor trying to control my child from falling and bumping her head once again. I look at her warmly and she babbles away. The feeling of motherly love overcomes me and I realize the difference a year has made for us. And here we are, yet again, a year later...




“Dear God, 
Your world is a beautiful one. Forgive me for doubting, for fearing, for questioning. You are the Creator, the Greatest, the Merciful and to You I shall always return for answers.”




Ramadan-ul-Kareem Mubarak!

The Sunday Report

Today was one of those Sundays where things needed to be done. Such as piled up laundry, throwing away of empty boxes, the unpacking from my latest trip to California and a bunch of things that I need daily for Mehreen. The day started with Mehreen Jaanu* waking us up at 7 AM [omg!]. I then had to take her to the living room which is her permanent play area as it seems like [with all her toys spread all over the living space, one can tell it's only Mehreen's territory]. She then took her morning bottle while crawling all over the place and me in the center of it all, half asleep, trying to be as awake as she was...and I just possibly couldn't be. Why are babies, once they wake up, REALLY awake? Babies don't take the time to rub their eyes, yawn or be really fussy before taking on the day - NO. Babies, such as my own, are way different than the larger human beings of our size. They're alert and they always know what they want. I don't know what happens once they grow up and become us and neither can I go into a detailed explanation of it as I am unaware of it myself. Babies who eventually become us, become us; indecisive, moody, annoying and lazy. So enjoy them as much as you can before they transform into you, ha ha!


My LOVE:

Oh well, but to carry on with this report [what was I sayin'?]...oh yes, so when I was camping out in the living room, I then had hubby dear take care of her as I quickly prepared breakfast. I am lately very much into greek yogurt. I love Oikos Greek Yogurt that comes in strawberry flavor but it gets very annoying when I go grocery shopping and they don't carry my favorite strawberry flavor on their aisle. I really really really don't like that. Oikos is some good stuff and you better not mess with me when it comes to Oikos Strawberry -- it's MIGHTY good. 
I love to mix the strawberry mixture, which is at the bottom as it is supposed to be mixed before taking a spoonful. I then get my honey oats granola bar - let me type this as slowly as possible so I can fully enjoy describing it - I open the green package and then scrape the granola off of the bar into my bowl of yogurt. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. This process alone makes me wanna wake up in the morning to my dear sweet Oikos. 

You must think that I've gone senile, but I am a self declared foodie. I love food that is healthy and tasty and when I find the right product, I become the most loyalist consumer that product can ever have...ever.
Our much needed trip to the grocery store and Walmart was a team effort in which hubby and I seemed to work harmoniously together. He wanted to visit the Garden Center for his over obsessive gardening hobby and I wanted to get my hands on Oikos as well as Mehreen's essentials. [notice how I put Oikos before Mehreen's stuff. Uh oh]. When our list had come to zero items, we found ourselves ready to be taken care of at the register. Yes, I did get my strawberry yogurt. By now, you must be feeling concerned for my impossible craving or maybe I'm just assuming while you are smartly  ignoring my crazy behavior. I'd say: IGNORE.


Life as we know it, is surely a blessing with the grace of God. I just wish the heat of Houston wasn't so...so...incredibly suffocating. It becomes hard to even step outside and enjoy the outdoors. Oh well, it's all okay. 


OK.


;)

xoxo,

Naila~

* Jaanu (in Urdu) = Darling

The princess of my heart...

My Dearest Mehreen~


It's been a while I haven't written about you. And for that, I will blame you. :) You are keeping me very busy with your constant crawling and nudging your cute little head into all crooks and nooks of the house. Oh yes, you are only six months old and you already crawl like a pro! You seem to very much ignore the playmat and the playground area I've set up for you in the living room and instead you focus on furniture items or that one shiny vase you've set your eyes upon! You love the company of people. Yesterday, I took you to the mosque for Jumma prayers and you were behaving like a little angel. Not once did you cry or whine. I was so proud of you.


That however changed as soon as we sat in the car. My dear, you hate sitting in your car seat; if it were up to you, you'd be free like a bird flying high. 
As a six monther, you are now allowed to eat. Yesterday, daddy had (finally!) ensembled your highchair and we had our very first meal on your majestic high chair. I fed you squash and you hated it. You do very much like the combo of apple and banana, but it depends on your moods. Sometimes, you get so distracted, that it is hard for mommy to spoon feed you. My baby, you are one handful! :)


But I love you, adore you, love you again and again. In your eyes I see my entire world. We are nearing the month of May, Inshallah. Time goes by fast now. At first, I thought the time was on standstill when you were a tiny baby still in my arms acting like a baby, ha ha! But now, I am chasing you around! When did that happen all of a sudden?


Meri jaan, I love you and I always pray for your health, your future. May Allah protect you and make you righteous. May all your dreams, your ambitions come true and may you one day marry your Prince who will love you more than I do. 


My everything's for you my little Princess. Only for you.


Love, 
Mommy~

A Hallmark Moment

I confess:  I'm a card collector. I love all things stationary; notepads, ink pens, diaries, stickers etc,. You'll have to drag me out of the Hallmark store as I have a serious lingering problem in the colorful card isles that I slowly pace through, reading every written thought on beautifully designed paper made to entice you. I love the feel of a card that can say so much when you hold it in your hands, knowing that the sender has chosen it with caring thoughts to be delivered straight to the recipient's heart.


I love everything beautiful. Back in elementary school in Holland, my friend and classmate used to call me an 'ekster', which is Dutch for 'magpie' - the bird that likes to collect shiny things. My fascination for pretty things that were designed artistically would only grow stronger over the years. Call it romantic or artistic, but the feeling that comes with words on paper, takes my imagination back to an era where feathered ink pens and old, ruffled paper were the primary form of communication for relaying thoughts in a very 'Jane Austen-ish' way. 


My trip to Hallmark today resulted in a basket full of gift wrap and cards for different occasions to stock up on my collection or perhaps my appetite...? As I walked pass the various categories, listening to joyful Christmas music in the background, my eyes fixated on the perfect card. Why perfect you ask? Well, it fulfilled my current craving; the feeling of togetherness and bliss.


I opened the card and smiled. Oh, Hallmark, why must you say the words straight out of my heart? 

Festive Moods

It feels warm and cozy this time of the year when everyone gathers together with their loved ones and shares stories of the passing year. In Houston, the weather is not as winter wonderland-ish as you'd hope, but the atmosphere is certainly there. I see houses lit up for the holiday spirit and it brings a smile to my face. How beautiful the streets look and how magical the trees are dressed, draped in twinkling lights as if they've come alive. I drive through the old street of a neighborhood, the kind of which carries this old-vintage feeling of aristocratic brick houses and double door entrances. Snowfall is missing and it may be missing for the entire winter season. Last year I remember, we had just a little bit snowfall and the excitement of seeing snow was shown in everyone's faces. People went outside to throw snowballs at each other, co-workers took a break in the snow whilst gathered laughing and reminiscing, moms & dads dug up slays and rides from the garage for their kids to slide on, lovers walked the paths of temporary 'wonderland' and homeowners like us, grieved the death of our plants and vegetables. ( O Thee tomatoes! )


The 'wonderment' around us may be fictional but it has become a necessity for survival in the current situation we have found ourselves in. The recession has left us in deep troubles - whether it is the unemployment rate or the failures of Health Care, we cannot fool ourselves anymore. The Christmas Tree in Rockefeller Center, New York City will lit up like every year and so will the faces of many who are 'able' to enjoy, but those struggling, who can not afford or possibly be happy are the ones to face reality everyday. A Christmas tree or the jam packed discounted stores will not pay their bills. And if you are planning on purchasing items on your credit card and adding to your endless debt, please think again. Do yourself a favor; Do Not Buy!


If the holidays are ripping you off, because of the pressured feeling of "buying" then you must rethink and re-evaluate the true spirits of any festivity. I am sure hundreds and hundreds of  years ago, people who'd celebrate, did not rush off to the Malls to eventually elbow each other for that cashmere sweater or aggressively snag that one parking spot. 


Live people. Live to see and enjoy. Do not fall for materialism. It all comes and goes...
We take, we digest and we waste; the never-ending cycle.

Motherhood

Since my last post, I have given birth to our precious little baby girl Mehreen on Friday, October 22nd at 2:43 PM in the afternoon. Not only was the (delivery) experience absolutely surreal, but I was also lucky to have had the positive and loving support around me from the hospital staff, the doctor and especially my husband. My angel was born and put onto my lap almost immediately. Our eyes met for the first time; we looked at each other and I cried out of joy. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life. There she was. Our beautiful little girl...


Now, 6 weeks into Motherhood, I have snapped out of my 'surreality' and stepped into my 'reality' the moment I started nursing my baby. At the hospital, they really emphasize on breastfeeding which was absolutely fine with me as I was planning on doing so. But little did I know, that nursing would be so tiresome, especially since I'd just given birth! My baby was fed every two hours, 24/7. I would force myself to sit up right on the hospital bed and feed her. Of course most of it happened out of maternal instincts and the overwhelming desire to care for my baby - but the nurses at the hospital did push me a lot - perhaps in a good way. (?)


Luckily, my mom and sister arrived the same day she was born and after spending two nights at the hospital (which felt like a lifetime) I was finally going home with my sweet bundle of joy. Oh, how happy I was to arrive home - my home! My mom and sister immediately took over and I felt a sense of relief. At the hospital, my husband was amazing in taking care of everything. He would never flinch from his spousal & fatherly duties and would act right away. When I needed something, he'd be there like Superman and now that I think of it, I could've never done it without him. I realize how important it is to have a strong bond with your (life) partner since it all boils down to teamwork in life. Having a baby DOES change everything, but it changes for the better when you have the right, loving support by your side. My career in Motherhood is by far the most exhilarating, exhausting, rewarding and the most beautiful full-time job I've ever had. Being a stylist at a department store or earning the big bucks in Real Estate or trying to generate clients as a Marketing Exec. at a Financial Planning Firm, does not compare to this God given, priceless gift of 'offspring'.


In two weeks, Mehreen will be 2 months old. Time flies they say and it surely does! I feel in cloud nine, even though I am always sleep deprived; feeling like a zombie, going about my 'mommy chores' when daddy goes to work - but overall, we are incredibly blessed ("Mashallah/Knock on wood") and every day I look at her, kiss her tiny little toes and fingers, sing to her like an on-stage 'Glee' performance...and you know...she looks back at me, coos at me and probably thinks to herself; "MAMMA has gone CRAZY!"


Oh yes my dear, crazy for you...

Countdown!

The time has finally arrived; I will be becoming a mommy soon. It feels surreal and kind of incredible - almost as if I am talking about someone else, but reality is that I am carrying a baby that is soon to be delivered to this world on Friday, Oct. 22nd via induction or perhaps earlier if the baby decided to make an entry in the world all by itself. :)


I have gotten used to my big belly getting in my way and the inconvenience of not seeing my toes, which by the way, perfectly shows since applying nail polish on toe nails is like going into battle with my belly! The maneuvering part really catches me off guard and for that moment I realize that some things are better left undone and so I concur. Yesterday, I was trying to put a pair of socks on and parked myself on the edge of the bed, ready to dress my feet with the soft embrace of fabric - I horribly failed and called mr. hubby to help me out. He was sweet to grab each sock and put it on my feet which  left me with a rush of affection and adoring love for the man who has vowed to share his life with me and will soon become the father of my child. I looked at him and said; "This may be a fast-forward scene of how we will be in old age". 


I feel bittersweet about my pregnancy and the cross-over of bringing my child into this life - almost as if I'm leaving behind one responsibility of being a 'carrier' to accepting an ever bigger responsibility of becoming a 'mother'. With the grace of God, my pregnancy has been very enjoyable and I honestly have nothing to complain about. I feel so grateful for all the blessings God has bestowed upon us and I continue to praise Him for everything he has granted to  shower us with.


I strongly believe in having a positive attitude. One should smile, don't you think? I encounter people who do not smile and represent their miseries in life as a display for other people to judge on. I always ponder and ask; why would they do that? Why would you not put your best face up in society, regardless of all the problems, complexities you may be facing...? There is no point in attracting bad 'vibes' from those who pretend to be sympathetic, but in the meanwhile enjoy the ego-boost of your negativity. That is why I make a conscious effort to smile and be kind and in return 'enjoying life', becomes easier and not that much of a drag at times. Believe me, it works.


My child will be of "loving nature" as we have chosen the name for our baby - the meaning itself was a no-brainer and I immediately knew that I wanted my child to be of loving nature and exceed the purpose of his/her name beyond any expectations.


I am certain my Baby will...

A New Look, A New Beginning!

Dear Readers,


This is my official comeback to the Blog World which I have ignored for quite a while now. I was confused as to where to put my thoughts and frankly, you seemed a little outdated to me so I started looking for different outlets to express myself. I must confess and humbly say, that I was wrong to "explore" my options and that you were and are loyal to me as the day I began to write on here.


A lot has changed since my last post; Yes, I am still pregnant, but we are counting down the days and the baby can come anytime now!
Another change, which you probably have noticed, and if not, it is okay - I have changed my template to a more suitable and tasteful layout which I personally find very appealing and I certainly hope you will too. My aim is to write on a regular basis and carve out a beautiful journey with you that we can both delve into, feel happy or sad about and learn from one and other. So, what do you say - are you in?


I am in a very happy place in my life which is not to say that 'happiness' per se, has come easy. On the contrary; I've had my share of challenges, tragic episodes and a lot of hard work to have created the 'Naila' I am now. Of course, it is needless to say that without my faith in God and love for mankind that has been instilled by my parents, I would never have been the person I am today and full credit belongs to them and my Creator. This Blog will host my feelings, my thoughts and how I look upon life on a daily basis. The topics can vary as every day varies from the days before, unlike Groundhog Day! (yes, my attempt to crack a joke - ha ha?). I am excited to step into motherhood and share my experiences with you and along the way, who knows, we might turn out to be each other's best friends! ;)


Stay patient with me as I have a lot to say, but also encourage me to become better, will ya? I would really appreciate your support 'Dear Diary' and my very dear readers. Here's a short text that I have posted on my FB wall and I'd love to share on this post:

"The dreams & hopes that shatter in front of our eyes, 
aren't necessarily destructive to our lives. What is, is to allow destruction to take over our dreams, our willingness to become better, stronger and greater. 
Fate. Destiny.

What is your take?"


Love,
Naila~

opportunities

I haven't written to you in the longest time and I have felt a void, dear diary, but my priority was to figure some things out for myself and report back to you as to what is happening in my life.
You'd be thrilled to know that my job @ Banana Republic is going great and I am also starting a new job at a Financial Investment Company just right by my house! The opportunities are just amazing and I find myself excited about the future. :)

Wish me the best.

deliriously happy or sick?

I have been wide awake all this time, trying to force myself to get a goodnight sleep and ignore the nastiness of my ongoing sinuses and trails of tissues I am leaving behind everywhere. I am stuffed; I can't smell nor taste anything and my mind seems to be occupied with deep thoughts and the concern to get better before work starts tomorrow. I don't really feel sick. I feel a mixture of happiness and anxiousness all at the same time. Happiness that is visible from the tangible energy I can feel in the air; the kind of new hope that is about to arise next week Tuesday during the inauguration of President-Elect Obama. People may not be too excited right now with the harsh situation of our economy and our very own pockets, but the feeling of "change" is definitely felt and acknowledged.


Even though my runny nose is making my life quite miserable at the moment, especially when I went to the bakery section at HEB to get croissants for breakfast today; I felt nauseous with the sight of my own tissue holding up to prevent from sneezing into any of the glass cubed cases while I was picking out the croissants (ewww yikes), feeling like a leaking germ machine. I left the store hurriedly and made my way home feeling unpleasant about my journey even though I was able to stick a chocolate glazed donut in my mouth while driving. I thought the donut would soothe my senses, but I was wrong. I couldn't taste a bit of my sugary glazed donut, instead, I was chewing down huge chunks of bread-like substances down my throat and felt nothing -- literally nothing. A donut is supposed to break all barriers of distaste and feeling of hopelessness. My donut however, didn't do anything.


I also stopped at Walgreens to get the best cold/flu medication they had in the aisle. With my head down and my pashmina shawl across my mouth, I was able to make it to the aisle all the way in the back, without a sneeze. I then looked for the heaviest medicine and decided to consult a "friendly" pharmacist of my products. By then, I had picked a Nyquil, a box of heavy Tylenol Cold/Flu tablets and a pack of cherry flavored Halls to chew on. The pharmacist was of Asian race like everyone else there and I couldn't help but think of how much they were earning and whether they were feeling comfortable working amongst their own species. I was feeling fuzzy and my thoughts were uncontrollably everywhere. The "friendly" pharmacist never blinked an eye, but had this intimidating stare that made me more aware of my condition as I was trying to prevent a ' sudden surprise sneeze' right into his face. I would turn my head to the side and pretend I was about to sneeze, just to give him a heads up in case an "accident" would occur. The pharmacist seemed the least interested in my life- saving tactics and explained the intake of the medication as any other cold, monotone pharmacist I may come across. I wonder whether they become immune to sick people? Like doctors for instance.


I was watching TV today when Grey's Anatomy came on and decided to watch the episode where sex, drama and illogical actions within a medical hospital are the 'norm' of the doctors' job description. I have been appalled by their story line in the past, but today, I had no strength to raise opinions about the writer's script, so I went along with my stuffy head and watched the entire episode becoming drawn into Meredith's cold character. Maybe because I felt delirious and illogical?


I noticed how often they display a character in such episodes that is an expert in his/her field, cutting people open, giving sarcastic but confident remarks, the straight to the point talk... and how often they are the ones who truly care about their patients, but keep on wearing a mask of indifference towards their profession, just to differentiate their emotions with practical approach. Isn't that a successful and less painful approach to accomplishing our goals in life?


I am sure medical students go through human emotions while learning about the anatomy of our bodies, but they are taught to be alert, to learn and keep their eyes open. I wonder how courageous that is, or is it called courage? To hide emotions behind a veil of professionalism and real practice, one needs to be in control of his/her weaknesses. It is easy to dwell into the emotional whirlpool of life, to lose oneself in irrational ramblings and grasping on to what is reality, but we forget that we are the product of humanity and that God is the only Creator with all the right answers...rightfully so.


I have given up on my emotional self. I have told "her" to disappear when I am irrational, illogical, nostalgic and perhaps too hopeful of happiness around me. The reality is, happiness is my self created perception in which I fully acknowledge God's greatest gifts; I thank Him immensely for everything and move on to become better, better than my own imagination.


The journey of betterment continues as I am finding myself visualizing a destination in which I am learning, teaching and 'giving' to those who are needy. I see the hard work and the sacrifice that I will have to make in order to gain, but I am up for it. I see hope, I see a change and I still see my youth glistening like a rainbow in a clear blue sky smiling upon the surrounding nature. I see and I feel. I feel the greatness of life while writing my thoughts to you, I feel the endless opportunities of this world while anxiously awaiting the inauguration. I feel worthy of my intelligence and know that anything is possible as long as I put my mind to it.


I am dreaming bigger with the trust in God that I have put everything, all my confusions and demons out to Him. They will slowly fade away and I will live life growing greater, knowing better, experiencing 'the new' and the impossible.

Nothing is impossible anymore.
Nothing.

(Alas, my "catchy phrased" letterhead to the new President!)

Focus

Dear Diary,

I know I have been absent from the day I wrote my memories of 2008, but I assure you of my comeback. I am focusing on what I find important and finally I've come to the realization that no one can tell me what to do. I will carve out my own path and my destiny.
I need to achieve something 'tangible' - have my accomplishments written in stone to not only prove my worthiness, but also make a promising future.
Only God knows the stress and the hard work I will have to face, but I am willing to do it. I am willing to shut those up who think are superior to me and have a saying on MY life.
Not anymore. I will find success. There is no time to relax, there is no time to waste and there is certainly no time to feel sorry for oneself. If one brings me down, I will fight back in a way that will only shape my future. I will surround myself with success and leave out those who mock, insult and disrespect.

For now, this short note shows you that you've always been in my heart and that I will try to be more loyal to you. I always need your "unsaid" support.


Love,
the renewed Naila

Leaving 2008...

The year 2008 has come with its many surprises, joys, some tears of all the ups and downs, but most importantly, blessings that have surmounted our lives with beautiful experiences and unexpected gifts God has bestowed upon us.


- My citizenship in January 2008.

- The purchase of my Honda Accord in February 2008.

- Centenary (100 year celebration) Khilafat Jalsa in Pennsylvania & meeting with Hazoor!

- Trip to Washington DC with my siblings after the Jalsa.

- Amma's (mother-in-law's) visit to our apartment for Ahmed's Engagement that took place after Jalsa.

- Madiha (my sister) and I had the opportunity to sing our Qaseedah in front of the ladies' section at the Jalsa convention. She sang in Arabic and I sang the translation in Urdu simultaneously.

- Appearing several times as a co-host on the radio show "Youth Forum" and being praised by people all the way from Dubai. An amazing experience.

- My 3rd prize winning for the essay writing competition on the topic of: "Blessings of Khilafat"

- Hurricane Ike and its aftermath. Family gathered at Nasir Mamoo's to seek shelter.

- Saying goodbye to Richmond Green Apartments.

- Purchasing our beautiful home, doing the loan on it and saving thousands of dollars.

- Moving into our beautiful home and falling in love with my kitchen and backyard.

- Brother-in-law's gland surgery and his way to recovery.

- First time voting as an American Citizen.

- Making of friends -- the precious ones, whom I can always rely on.

- Our first Halloween in our new home. It was fun to receive kids at the door wearing scary costumes. I wore a black chaadar and dracula teeth to scare them off.

- The masjid, located 10 minutes away from our house, feels like my second home. I love our Houston mosque. I seek refuge in God's residence and I find peace in my every "sajdah".

- Reading; "Islam's response to Contemporary Issues" and being awed again by Hazrat Mirza Tahir Ahmed's penmanship and immense wisdom.
The book is inspiring and covers all real subjects we face in today's society.

- My excitement for "Little Mosque on the Prairie" season 4 -- still continues. Am a BIG fan.

- Obama's win of Presidential election against McCain! A historic moment witnessed from my living room while jumping out of joy.

- My sister Madiha's engagement in Tracy, CA : An absolute beautiful moment. Getting to know her lovely in-laws.

- Lunch with Tabassum (Tabs) in Rice Village and our ongoing conversations on various topics. Great friend.

- The discovery of great places around Houston, especially restaurants. Great people too!

- Tested of my love and questioned of my worth - a painful phase.

- New Hobby: Gardening of front and backyard.

- Our subscription to Netflix and watching Planet Earth on DVD.

- My wholehearted acceptance at Azam's Chinese Stir Fry noodles being better than mine. I let go of my culinary pride! ;)

- My participation at the Ijtema; winning 1st prize English Impromptu Speech and 2nd for Tilawat. I also managed to dominate the workshops/discussions by voicing my opinion on everything that was on my mind. Very liberating.

- Garage hunting in our neighborhood and finding great objects to (re)use.

- The purchase of our bikes and touring around our neighborhood, even when it rained!

- The movie Slumdog Millionaire -- excellent movie we saw in the theaters.

- The relief of Bush finally leaving the White House.
The 'shoe throwing' episode was an absolute highlight! Literally jootay parhe...

- My friend Rizwana in Canada gave birth to her precious little baby girl; Ariana Mahrosh Upal.

- Nabeel's (my brother) first semester in College - he is working hard towards a bright future, Inshallah.

- The economic crisis around the country (and the world) making us weary of our future. Strengthening our strategies in all aspects.

- My Thanksgiving dinner to family and friends in our new home with the making of my experimental menu which turned out a success!

- Weekend away at Mani Khala's and getting to know her College friend, Shamuna baji.

- Our little road trip to Sonora, TX to see the Caverns of Sonora. Pretty cool.

- The conception of my new entrepreneurial project (in the works).

- Skipping on jump ropes to skip on a gym membership.

- My part-time job at Banana Republic turns out to be a ' God sent temporary distraction' for me; alas my passion for fashion. Love the employee discount!

- Very mild (wet) snowfall in Houston that lasted for half a day.

- I clearly remember the day in 2008 when my friend Fakhra took her time out during her stressful finals to spend time with me while I was visiting my family in Tracy.
Not only was she a delight to my eyes, but her personality and one on one attention, made me feel like a queen. Her book of quotes for my birthday and the ballerina card are two things I keep very close to me.

- The desire to make something out of myself -- gaining another level of confidence.

- The ugliness, The beautiful, The inevitable, The impossible & lastly...

The Incredible!!! (Alhamdulillah)

Home Sweet Home

I absolutely love my home. I love every nook, every corner, every tile, every window...and every wall of my beautiful home. It's my safe and secure abode; my home is my heaven.


When looking for a property to purchase, we had seen quite a few in the past, but the moment I walked into my home -- I knew it right away. I knew it when entering the hallway and walking up to the previous owner. I knew it when looking at the spacious kitchen and the beautiful counters. I also knew that I was destined to buy it from her, the previous owner, when meeting her for the first time and instantly acknowledging her taste and efforts in making this beautiful house a livable experience. I was drawn to each and every room and the backyard...Oh my.


Have I told you how much I love my backyard? I find it to die for. I love my pond with the water running. I love the palm trees and the immaculate landscaping. I love the tiles leading towards the pond and most importantly, I love my rose bushes on the side of the house. The house, the color and the landscaping totally fits my personality and I find myself looking for flowers to seed in this season for them to blossom next year in Spring. I am excited about the prospect of giving life to earth to my backyard and I am also excited about the prospect of giving life to my next generation. I can see myself making lunch bags for the tiny ones, I can see them involved in the backyard planting vegetables with daddy dearest, I see them playing on the grass with a hose running water, splattering everywhere. Just like my childhood.
I see all of that.


I also see myself yearning for my home every time I am out and about running my chores or going to work. My work does not consist of much stress, but when I come home, I like to look forward to sitting in the backyard with a cup of tea with my feet up, soaking in the sun. My flattering whispers belong to my trees and plants whom I love and nurture. I see a long commitment with all of them and I see their worth in my eyes. Useless worries dissipate with the thought of gratitude and belonging to my beautiful abode in which I am the queen of.
The happily buzzzing queen bee.


Today was such a day. A day of extreme gratitude the moment I walked back into my home. Exhausted from work, I made myself a cup of chaii and jumped onto the comfortable (2nd hand, still the best though!) sofa. I felt so comfortable and before I could make an excuse of getting up and "not relaxing", my tiredness had taken over and the sofa warmed me, it took me into his grip of peacefulness and calming comfort. I surrendered and slept for two hours straight.
As I woke up and hubby dear had entered the house, I made my way into the kitchen, fixed a quick snack to have with our everyday ritual 'tea time'.


I love God for surrounding us with such beauty of life. He is the Greatest and the most Gracious. I feel His presence as if He listens to my every wish, even in times of disillusions -- I feel my soul to be enlightened.

Planet Earth

I am happy to inform that after a small road trip when going sightseeing this past weekend near San Antonio...well, at the Caverns of Sonora to be exact... I am doing much better now. We have rekindled all that we thought was lost in the midst of confusion and hurt. The caverns of Sonora were interesting to visit on Friday the 26th of December. There was a small group lead by the tour guide and we just made it on time to join in the fun! At first glance, you would never guess that a deserted ranch would have such an interesting discovery underneath its ground. In 1960 the owners of the ranch found a cave that was filled with crystal like formations due to the humidity of dripping water and acidity of growing milestone. The formations were incredible to see. We've made a lot of pictures, but the picture do not do justice to the real beauty of the cave -- one needs to go out there and explore by their own.

Main Website:
http://www.cavernsofsonora.com/index.php

Visiting the cave was a great experience for the both of us and it made me even more determined to see more caves in the world, to see the places that are unknown and unseen to my eyes and breathe in all the purity of something bigger than mankind; God's incredible Nature. It was quite a coincidence that we've been watching the series: Planet Earth on DVD, ordering each CD through netflix. We are immensely fascinated by this beautiful documentary and the last CD covered the caves of a faraway place in which the producers had a hard time getting permission filming for. In that cave, the same crystal like formations are shown, but the enormity of the cave is obviously much bigger and grand than the one we went to.


The excitement ran through us as we stepped through each and every cave 'room' as our tour guide explained all the different kinds of formations and their shapes similar to animal like figures. We weren't allowed to touch the formations, nor the walls, but my hand did touch the bumpy walls once or twice. I asked the tour guide about any animals in the cave and he explained the possibility of some bugs without eyes due to the extreme darkness of the cave. The tour guide would switch the lights on as we would walk onto the next slope.


The drive back home was not a pleasant one as we were misguided by our GPS. "She" took us through small cities and dangerous curvy roads with no lights. Throughout the journey I kept on praying for a safe arrival. My wish was to stop over and drive the next morning, but I guess we were eager to reach home as well. We did see a small town called Fredericksburg. When our car stopped at the light, I told Azam to park as the whole street was filled with Christmas decorations and I immediately noticed this cute little bakery, I was of course naturally drawn to. The atmosphere seemed like winter wonderland right out of a story book. The car never parked and we kept going...

I looked from my car window at this small town with much excitement and wonder like a four year old. Next year during Christmas, I have made a mental note to visit this beautiful town while staying over at his aunt's in Austin.

All in all; a good refreshing trip. Ho Ho!!!

Flair for Fashion

From the moment I've started working at Banana Republic, as a part time seasonal job for the time being, I feel so much connected with my inner-self. I love to dress up, go to work and talk about my days with my female collegeaus, help customers in giving fashion advice and I especially love the flexibility of the hours I work. They are quite amazing in giving days off and one can always come back after notifying them of your absence which can take even a month, with a valid reason of course. Most of the girls I work with, are either students or girls who work full time to become managers. The managers themselves are moms and fashionable ladies in their late twenties or early thirties. It's a treat for my eyes and my fashionable appetite to see 'fashion' worn the right way by ladies who are beautiful, hard working and talented.


It was interesting to discover when one girl, I believe eighteen years old, squeeled in amazement at my answer to her question at how old I was and couldn't believe I was married.
She then said she was thinking I was either 21 or 22 years old. To see her surpising response, I was suprised myself and laughed at her enthusiastic behavior.
It was flattering to know that I was considered one of the young-ins, doing a part time job, just to save some money while I was studying away at one of the universities, perhaps being the popular one with lots of friends and admirers. Ha Ha! I was truly flattered to be mistaken for a younger version of myself and realized at the same time, the advantage I have of being married and for having the physique of looking twenty one. Personality wise, I believe to be sophisticated, but also crazily blunt when my sense of humor kicks in. I never hold back on expressing my jokes or dry humor in all honesty. I just say it and have a good time with it.


The girl probably saw my bubbly-ness while my seriousness & sophistication was invisible to this lively girl who has only seen eighteen years of her carefree girlish life and could've never possible imagined me married or succesful in my real estate career in which selling houses and providing loans was as easy and natural to me like selling clothes and talking fashion sense to customers. They don't know. Neither do I know where the rest of the girls are from or what they have seen in life.


I love that Banana Republic makes us all look the same -- it makes us all become fashionable young women with the same mission on hand; folding cashmere sweaters, ringing up people at the cashier, making small talk with people who are looking for certain items and keeping an eye on those clothes that will give us an extra discount for being employees.
I love it. I love having my employee discount, but more than that, I love the feel of quality clothes and admire the mastermind of designs that goes behind the making of such beautiful merchandise. I love to see the creativity in colors, shapes, cuts, fabrics and embelishments.
I feel like a designer of my fashion line when consulting people of accentuating their waist by purchasing a wide alligator belt underneath a cardigan or a dress. I give examples of Vera Wang and her concept of 'layering' clothes to make them multi-dimensional. I make my customers feel important by disclosing fashion information of what is 'hot' on the runway in New York. I tell them what is appropriate for their age and ocassion. I give them my knowledge and service of a world I love -- the world of fashion & glamour.


I live out my New Yorker persona, my cosmopolitan city-girl dream in exchange for working at Banana Republic and escaping from a domestic self, in which I've always found joy in, but the perfect lights, the racks of clothes and display of immaculate mannequins, makes me run back to this world in which I can be a part of. I can surround myself with the quality and touch of such beautiful wear.

Life is so beautiful. I 'wear' all that is beautiful.

Worth

Dear Diary,


I've had a rough time writing to you while I was gathering my own thoughts and trying to make sense. I was facing extreme selfishness by someone who'd I think would be the last person to be this inconsiderate. As it turned out, I was wrong. I've been wrong from the start. From the day I made this commitment and its just now that I've started realizing it.

I was beside myself. I felt used and my thoughts were frantically looking for some logic. Maybe all of this is not supposed to be logical, maybe this is how it is, how would I know?
I've done and I am still doing the best I can to be the very best I have to offer. Even though my love still continues to take care and be supportive, I am slowly dying. The sarcasm and the selfishness never ends. Everything's gotta be a certain way that person likes, beyond that, nothing and I say NOTHING matters. The "me me me" aspect of this relationship is killing the very core of all that is beautiful. I am patient, I am silent and I am cautious. I don't say anything anymore. I have stopped making plans for enjoyment, forcing me to focus on my accomplishments, of what I want to do. I am sick and tired of taking care of tasks that are only adventageous to the other party without acknowledging my efforts and attentive love. How stupid can that person be, to deprive me of my joy, thus of our happiness by putting importance on just oneself? Please tell me, explain it to me, since I don't understand.


How can love be so selfish? Is this love or just a compromise? Why do I feel as if my head is going to explode? Why am I not put at ease by a calming voice, saying that I am the best that has ever happened. Why is it so hard? I also wonder how the distance is bearable when two people are 'supposedly' in love? In this case, the distance is visible and growing bigger by the minute, I guess its not "love" then. I have tried to fill the gap, but who am I?

Every relationship requires 'give and take', every relationship hits a rocky moment in which you start doubting everything. However, when a relationship is continuously challenged with lack of respect and useless critique -- a neverending episode, no matter how much you'd cover it up for the time being, it will always come back and slap you in the face. In the moments of desperation and sanity for words, here's what I wrote>

VALUE


How much am I worth?
Is my worth lesser than the house I live in or the car I drive?
He said so.

My pockets are empty; I am empty within (my womb)
I feel nothing, I hear nothing. Only the sounds of my thoughts.
What have I done to earn this injustice?
What have I done to earn such insults?
What is my worth?

I cherish life; I appreciate you, my home, my everything.
I take care; I cook and clean.
Dinner on the table for you.
My entire love is granted to you.
Whom else can I turn to? Does God listen?
Does He listen through my tears?

I feel nothing. I have no one. Just my loneliness in this house.
My smile is wiped off and I am suffering. "Don't cry", I say to myself.
I am strong, I am beautiful, I am smart.
I have seen many tragedies in life.
I've lost a father, tragically, through the evil eyes of the world.
I've lost a part of me.

My mother does not see me from afar.
I know she feels my pain of belonging.
I smile and speak good.I smile and listen to people who judge and say to bear children.
O you people! Do you know what I feel?
I want to hold those tiny fingers and say their mine. Only mine.
I want to see my resemblance in an innocent face.
Faces who cling onto me and seek safety in my lap.
I am born to care.
Please fill this gap.


The house, the car is not mine.
The furniture I sit on, is not mine.
The things are superior to me.
Who am I? What am I? Am I "it" ?Am I a woman who is cherished?
Am I a woman? What is a woman?

My eyes are swollen from the tears that have flown.
I cover it with make up and appear at work.
With a smile so bright, it actually hurts.
I will work hard for a future that is just "time".
A family that I have lost in a dream so pure.
I've got nothing else, just "time" to endure.

What is my value? I ask him again.
I'm slowly fading into silence and mayhem.
My mind is my friend and God I only trust.
I am hurting for everything I do, thus, I ask:
Why am I here if you can't see & hear?
Why am I here if I am not a woman, but a man?

A man with no emotions, just price tags attached.
No life's worth, just material goals attract.
A man who is superior above his wife and claims,
A return for his investment in interest paid.
Don't put me to shame!

I wonder and ponder over the respect he demands,
When all this while my love was his command,
I wonder and ponder over the measurements of our roles,
Weren't we one soul, together, accomplishing goals?

Money is evil of all things, I agree. I offer you my life as a fee.
I will pay back in glorious amounts and then, you will be proud to be one of the men.
Who works hard to pay the bills, unaware of who he might kill.

I will love him forever, as death do us part.
Tears of yesterday and tomorrow.
Drown me in the river; am I re-born?
From the past and the future.
Where do I start?

******Snowflakes******

Houston never really sees freezing temperature, but yesterday, Dec. 10th 2008, was surely a falling of wet snow during the day and snow was clearly visible at night when the temperature dove to teeth chattering cold. Well, at least for me it was.


My husband can't seem to believe that I was born in Holland and grew up in such a cold country, since I can't stand the cold. In Holland it snows as in REAL snow in which snowman's are made and snowballs fights are common. In which your car and your bike will experience a slippery road even though it was salted the night before. I clearly remember riding my bike to school -- bicycling is the most common transportation in Holland, all seasons included. The route would be as follows;


My friend Emmy who lived on the same block would ring my doorbell around 7:30 AM and I'd be ready to leave the house, going out from the backyard. I then would meet with her in the front yard where we'd go to Danielle's house which was approximately 1o minutes away from us. (in biking distance). We'd take the back road crossing the small bridge over the river where kids would catch frogs during summertime, but during winter you'd see the once lively river frozen to standstill. Once we'd made it to Danielle's house, we'd either ring the doorbell and she would come upfront or we'd go to her backyard, sometimes park our bikes in her backyard and just wait for her in the living room.


I loved standing there. The house was warm and her family was so welcoming; an atmosphere of warmth would exude from the every corner of the house. They'd turn on the radio in the early mornings and I would hear music when stepping in. Danielle was quite vain in her teenage years. Sometimes, she'd take a full ten minutes to blow dry her hair and her mascara would be fully coated on her blonde/brown lashes, making her eyes look "made up" and totally over the top. She'd then come out of the glass door wearing her coat, shawl and gloves -- finally ready to leave.


She was surely the leader of our group. Emmy and I would only bicycle together going to Danielle's house, but upon arrival, the decision of splitting up into 2 and 1 would lie in her hands. Sometimes I'd ride my bike behind them or Emmy would bike behind us. Danielle was never alone; a dominant personality who ruled her kingdom on us and we didn't mind.
Our friendship was genuine and we truly cared for one and other. I'd hear out all the latest 'crush' stories Danielle was eager to share. This one guy in class she desperately liked and apparently he liked her as well, I think his name was Rick, was a never ending saga of her life.


Since the three of us weren't the popular ones in class, which was fine with me, Danielle was always in constant struggle to belong to the popular ones and yet not abandon us. The 'Rick guy' whom she found cute was also liked by the most popular girl of our class; Claire. Her 'kuif' as we say it in Dutch, meaning her bangs were always neatly combed and heavily sprayed with hairspray, creating a 'wave' on her forehead that was plastered every day of her student life, making her the most vain girl in school. She was also very confident and giggled a lot. I figure talking about boys most of the time. She was an attention grabber and the kids were in awe of her. Girls wanted to be her and guys were greedy of her popularity. Her best friend, Esther Vermuilen, I still remember the name!...was always beside her, giggling and making fun of the weaker ones in class.



I was always unaffected by it, but enjoyed watching my classmates drool over her. I was considered shy and a good girl with a few friends to hang out with.
We had a weaker link in class. His name slips my mind. Wait, is it Arjan? It is pronounced; Aryan -- the j is Y in Dutch. Arjan was a full grown man shrunk into a kid's body. He always had a serious demeanor. His body weight and old looks made him insecure, especially with the constant teasing of his classmates, calling him 'fat' and 'old man'. He'd sometimes get into this rage where his cheeks would explode in redness and he'd stomp his way out of the classroom. The kids would laugh harder and make it even worse. Our teacher, we had two at the time, the principal himself, Meester Hans (meester is teacher) and a female teacher with a very traditional Dutch name. She would only look up to answer questions and her interaction with the class always remained to the point and concise. Meester Hans on the other hand, was quite the entertainer. He would read excerpt from the Bible on Mondays -- I forgot to mention it was a Catholic School, and he'd explain the stories to us using imagination and creative story telling. I still remember him till this day. He was charming, friendly and almost like a father figure to the class. He would never raise his voice but deal with problems with a teasing manner and smart sarcasm to those who deserved.


His attentiveness made the classroom alive. Even parents were under a good impression of him.
The twelfth grade musical was hard on its way to practicing. We'd gather in the big hall and practice our lines while getting into character. I loved acting; every aspect of it made me feel alive and excited. The musical allowed us to sing, dance, act and feel free of any imperfections. Every single student was working hard towards a good musical. A goodbye project this was to welcome a new grade and say goodbye to years of educational & human development in our school, De Vlieger (The Kite) . It was time to move on and let go of our kite.
During the practice of our musical, I remember Danielle declaring her 'crush' for Rick. It created a stir on set; the latest gossip talk resulted into instant popularity for Danielle. She was all smiles.
She would steer away from us and eventually we did loose her later on in life...


We kids were like little snowflakes falling onto the surface, covering life's path with our existence.
Some found theirs, I found mine in the blur of snowflakes, that is. :)

budget crunching

We are witnessing the worst recession in Modern Day. Not only are we weary of our financial situation, our health and stress level are also under a lot of scrutiny especially with the cold season affecting our immune systems.


I am highly aware of the circumstances around the world. Call me a news junkie, but the urge to read or watch news, has become an every day habit now. I take interest in the reality of matters, such as the very dire situation we are facing in our economy today. The three BIG automakers are still under negotiation with Capitol Hill for getting a bailout, making a desperate appeal to save their auto industries. The question that arises here is of moral and logical basis; is the poor management to be held responsible for such failures or are we to face this dilemma together, as an economy at whole?
WILL THE MONEY BE SPENT WISELY TOWARDS THE IMPROVEMENT OF THE AUTO INDUSTRY, THEREFORE BOOSTING OUR ECONOMY? OR WILL OUR TAX PAYER'S MONEY BE SPENT ON THE LUXURIES OF THE FAILED CEO'S?


Today's crisis has crawled into our households, having us fear unemployment, sickness, financial meltdown and perhaps paranoia thinking about job security at all times. How bright is our future? How much are we to sacrifice?
It's ironic to me how "sacrifice" is emphasized especially now to save ourselves from any more financial hardships, whilst in the Islamic religion the time of Eid-ul-Adha is the epitome of sacrifice proven by Hazrat Ibrahim when putting his own son's life at risk for the sake of God's will.
A sacrifice that puts shivers to my skin. How unimaginable could that be in today's age where the common man suffers from "cutting down" and living less comfortably? How nostalgic are we to continue living like spenders when the morale of sacrifice isn't practiced to its best intentions?


My point isn't to sacrifice on life itself, but my ramblings are trying to shed a reality to what we find most important; the materialistic gains of our well being in what we perceive as highly necessary when in truth, all of it is just a mere presentation. There are desires, wishes and dreams to fulfil and I fully agree with the optimists, as I am one of them, that there is one life to live so why not live it to the fullest? The matter concerning this philosophy is not the bigger-than-life living, it is the purpose of living we so often lose in this whirlwind of keeping up.


Sure. I have ambitions. I have dreams. Heck, there is so much I want from this one life that is granted to me, but in my spectrum of living -- a balance is achieved to put my wants and needs in clear view from one another; parallel to the beauty of life VS the achievements of life. Whether I am doing full justice to myself and my ambitions? I don't know.
One thing I know; I have never doubted myself of my capabilities. If I can't have it now, I will have it later. A confidence I carry - so full of conviction and realism, it already feels as if I am living in it.


A perfect example would be of that going to NY during Christmas time. I have always wanted to see the Big Apple with all its mesmerizing Christmas decorations, people walking on 5th street carrying shopping bags, their faces lit up with the inner joy of the holiday spirit, ice skating in Central Park in front of the giant tree. Maybe its "Serendipity" or "Home Alone" that has me in awe of this incredible city or maybe its the Dutch tourist in me that is eager to explore the magnificient States of America...there surely is an imagination, a sort of childish freedom attached to my visions that I KNOW will happen. If not today, there is always tomorrow.


My budget today is sealed in an envelope waiting for its calculated deduction to be written on the envelope as every purchase is made at the groceries or drug store. My budget knows no whining, it knows no greed, but basic necessities. My budget is kind to me and my household and forces me to be creative and careful at the same time. My budget appreciates me and will reward us of our savings to later on splurge and enjoy meaningfully. My budget keeps me intact of what is today.

Today is...
A rising of unemployment rate to 6.7 % . Next year? Probably worse.

Tomorrow? God knows.
Knock on wood. We are healthy.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Menu:

Appetizer: cocktail samosa with cranberry and padina (mint) chutney.


Main Course:

- Vegetable Biryani with Raita
- Tandoori Turkey http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPvCJ7uyoEQ
- Mashed patatoes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcksPYLPSY0
- Aloo Baingan with naan
- Stuffed Peppers http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/orzo-stuffed-peppers-recipe/index.html


Dessert:

- Pecan Pie (home made)
- Chocolate Mousse
- Gajar ka Halva


The end result in pictures, laughter and fun!
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2125000&id=643867138#/album.php?aid=86222&id=643867138