When I am most irritable, tired, bloated and moody is when it's highly time to take Midol. My savior in cramps and crankiness. Tylenol does not live up to Midol as I search through my medicine cabinet and sock drawer, frantically looking for at least one tablet, like an unsettled drug addict to lessen my pain. I usually can't think clear when it hits, so I wait it out either by laying on the sofa, reading a book or keeping myself busy with something else. The last thing on my mind is to pretty up and go outside.
I become unsocial, not unfriendly.
No.
Just unsocial.
I'd rather curl up in my blanket and shy away from society.
I wonder how child birth will be?
Excruciating pain, but oh so beautiful in feeling the joy of tiny fingers and toes.
As for now, I am letting my eggs flush through my body until its time to nestle them, nurture them in fertilization.
Eggland's Best commercial comes on.
How ironic.
BLAH!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Deeds
I was pondering how our deeds affect us as a person in whole. Deeds are derived from our intentions and so, our intentions are created from the heart which signals the mind. Now, deeds are the actions we perform; they aren't the mere words playing in our minds or resting on our tongue. They are the actual performances.The heavily emphasis on deeds is preached in every religion. The wrong you do, the less fortunate you are. The better you do, the most fortunate & harmonious your life will be. It plays like a law of attraction towards what you want and is in perfect parallel from your actions and your thoughts. If I were to make a diagram on here, it would have a straight line indicating the thoughts vs the deeds in alliance of each other, that is if you are clear of your thoughts.
In a perfect world, it would be a straight line, but the truth to the matter is that thoughts aren't always supporting one's actions or vice versa. Since deeds (actions) speak louder than words, we are always judged on what we do or have done, instead of what is in our hearts.
The woman for instance, always struggles with her thought process, trying to either mend it or compromise it into the more 'acceptable thought' of her man, where her thoughts can easily become reality. Even without a man in our lives, aren't we always compromising our thoughts when reality surfaces behind us? How many times have we desired to have something or fulfill our dreams, when suddenly reality would wake us up? I am sure everyone has.
The deeds that follow our thoughts become important to how we form our lives. I have seen the patience, the endurance in myself...when I am wanting to have something, but I hold onto my thought and convert it into good intentions, knowing that one day if I hold on to the nature of the thought, it will become reality.
The very same happened when purchasing our home. I had a beautiful house in mind, where I could see my children grow up in, where I could see myself cooking in a beautiful kitchen with spacious counters and a backyard that I could call my second home, in where I could sit back, relax and sip a cup of tea. Those thoughts, those dreams I had. Not just dreams of *POOF*, and gone is my dream, but dreams of tangible living, of knowing that some day I'll be there, living the life I am dreaming.
With God's grace, my intentions, my thoughts combined with the hard work, paid off. Now, I cook in the kitchen I had imagined, I sit back in the backyard I so often dreamt of, and I see my husband walking towards the front door when coming home from a long day of work, knowing that he is a proud man walking humbly and carefully in the journey of life. Visions that are engraved in our minds and we are determined to accomplish with the blessings of God.
The idea of deeds vs thoughts, takes me to a not-so-pleasant experience I had with someone who isn't yet so close to me, but belongs to the family. A "someone" whose entry hasn't officially been made yet, but who has had in a few encounters, made me feel very unworthy with the lack of respect this particular person has shown. Now, my thoughts are registering the deeds that person is treating me with, but my intentions are staying clear from making any hasty judgments. Why? Because I know that my thoughts can be derived from unclear emotions, such as the lack of respect I am feeling, but I am smart enough to realize how sensitive "family" is, therefore my intentions towards this person are clear and will always be.
It is very hard to stay that way; to not fall into the hole of judgments, negative remarks and "bitchiness". Even though, the unfairness exists, my deeds are accountable for what I do and have a heavy affect on my household. I know my intention is what is reflected upon me and God knows...God knows.
Do you think in today's Day and Age one really stands still to think of their actions as deeds? Or just goes by living his/her life as it is, without the concept that someone might get hurt by the actions you put out there? The lack of consideration is so obvious, but when the convenience arises, they become the sweetest, the most welcoming.
I find that very sad. In our language its called "challaaki" ( being sly). To be clever for only oneself at the time of presentation for the sake of getting 'worldly' credit, is to me total selfishness. There were times when people said to me how simple /naive I was and that it was time for me to grow up and be clever.
Many times I've heard such a thing, where I am too naive to understand the "wrong" people have intended towards me, but do you really think that my naivety is foolish? Do you really think that I am not aware of their wrongdoings or intentions? I am, but I choose to think the best, I choose to do the best. It is very easy to become a bitch, but it is really hard to maintain your sanity, believe in goodness and live your life as peacefully you can, filtering out the bad and silencing it with your heart. I know that my life is not dependent on the person's actions. Yes, I do what I think is right; I fulfill my duties and take care of my responsibilities as a wife, daughter in law and sister. Beyond that, I have no control over what happens or the injustice that is done.
So why beat oneself over deeds committed by others, whom have no remorse or don't even think twice when acting sly and degrading you? They may be clever not to show, but I am smart not to over think. Life is too short and time is of the essence for me to embrace great people and make new & fun challenges.
Our deeds, one by one, step by step are truly a reflection of what we have built...
...Our very homes. :)
*This blog post is in dedication to my cousin Amina who lives in California. She taught me a lot about patience and endurance within marriage. Even though she is far away, I know that her wisdom is greater than she acknowledges. Love you!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Purpose
I am currently reading this incredible book by Mirza Tahir Ahmed;
Islam's Response To Contemporary Issues.
The book has entangled me into the depth of life's meaning and purpose. My understanding, morals and values is all what this book represents and I would recommend it to anyone; Muslim or non-Muslim. I will soon write all the highlights of the book on one page, perhaps a paragraph summed up in my own words, once I finish this amazing piece of work. A thesis of a brilliant mind who was able to detect issues beyond their existence and analyze them in a manner which is logical and rational, concerning today's problematic society.
In every religion and culture, purposefully living life is preached and taught in various forms through worship, practice of good karma and just sheer common sense of righteousness towards humanity.
Let me grab the book and share with you a couple of fragments I am so fascinated with:
"It is very difficult to conceive that members of a godless society will be truly convinced of the wrong they commit when they break a law. After all, what is the law? Is it the word of a despot or an absolute ruler, the decision of totalitarian regimes, or the dictate of a democratic majority?
To a common man, which of the above should appear to be a just legislation based on sound moral philosophy? What moral philosophy indeed?
If he does not owe his existence to any Being, or if he has no fear of being questioned regarding his conduct during his earthly life in the life to come, since, according to him, there is no life Hereafter, then the answers to the questions raised above, from his vantage point, could be very different from the requirements of a responsible society. He has only this short life to live. He needs society only for his own benefit.he submits to the superior authority of the society only out of necessity. If he can run away with some self-appropriated benefit and snatch a few moments of pleasure here and there while remaining clever enough to escape detection, why not? What so-called 'moral' inhibition could stop his hand? This psychological attitude towards crime begins to develop and become stronger with the passage of time in godless and materialistic societies. " (page 64)
The above passage brings a light to the deeds one performs without the conscious awareness of consequences that can severely damage the soul. A society where unlimited pleasure and 'having fun' is paid at a very high price, resulting into confused youngsters and immoral minds.
Here's what I find very interesting:
"When societies begin to degenerate or become top-heavy and lopsided with over-sophistication, they begin to topple down and return to the same crude animal answer to their urges.This may not be visible in every social and cultural activity, but it is almost always pronounced in human relations and style in the pursuit of pleasure. A brief study of man in his responses to sex will demonstrate the case in point."( page 69)
I believe that the above stated paragraph is a harsh reality of what we are seeing today. Teenagers are shamefully forming their identities by victoriously losing virginity, uncontrollably giving in to pleasure and excitement to explore "their bodies" with the encouragement of fashionable magazines and explicit TV series. Why would a young mind be deteriorated by such selfish pursuit and deprive oneself of purity, rather than focus on more meaningful goals to increase intellect and intelligence? Isn't there a time for everything? Am I wrong, or has innocence only a place in fairy tales now?
"Where are those taboos in society-the codes of civil behavior, the concept of decency, etc which keep interfering with the free expression of natural urges? Why must sex be the only motive force which should be given a free license to express itself without regard to tradition, norms, decency, appropriateness, and the question of belonging or otherwise?" (page 71)
What really baffles me is today's news making.
Recently on the news, a research was shown that teenagers are influenced by explicit tv series such as 'Friends' and 'Sex and the City' (hmm, I wonder why!). What surprises me is that a research by professionals was needed to come to such an obvious conclusion! Promiscuous activities are shown as entertaining to an age group that heavily relies on worshipping unrealistic role models, making their every step look glamourous on screen, even if they'd taken the wrong path.
The concept of saving yourself for marriage may seem very old-fashioned or backwards nowadays, when there are so many resources available to entertain oneself and perceive it as "normal" as society has easily accepted to be free and wild -- My pondering question however, where is the self-respect??? The dignity of women and their daughters is lost in "lipstick jungle" and "gossip girl"...
The days of a man being a gentleman and a woman being coy and pious is sadly diminishing, unless we save the last bit of morality that is left in our childish persona.
Innocently speaking of course! :)
Islam's Response To Contemporary Issues.
The book has entangled me into the depth of life's meaning and purpose. My understanding, morals and values is all what this book represents and I would recommend it to anyone; Muslim or non-Muslim. I will soon write all the highlights of the book on one page, perhaps a paragraph summed up in my own words, once I finish this amazing piece of work. A thesis of a brilliant mind who was able to detect issues beyond their existence and analyze them in a manner which is logical and rational, concerning today's problematic society.
In every religion and culture, purposefully living life is preached and taught in various forms through worship, practice of good karma and just sheer common sense of righteousness towards humanity.
Let me grab the book and share with you a couple of fragments I am so fascinated with:
"It is very difficult to conceive that members of a godless society will be truly convinced of the wrong they commit when they break a law. After all, what is the law? Is it the word of a despot or an absolute ruler, the decision of totalitarian regimes, or the dictate of a democratic majority?
To a common man, which of the above should appear to be a just legislation based on sound moral philosophy? What moral philosophy indeed?
If he does not owe his existence to any Being, or if he has no fear of being questioned regarding his conduct during his earthly life in the life to come, since, according to him, there is no life Hereafter, then the answers to the questions raised above, from his vantage point, could be very different from the requirements of a responsible society. He has only this short life to live. He needs society only for his own benefit.he submits to the superior authority of the society only out of necessity. If he can run away with some self-appropriated benefit and snatch a few moments of pleasure here and there while remaining clever enough to escape detection, why not? What so-called 'moral' inhibition could stop his hand? This psychological attitude towards crime begins to develop and become stronger with the passage of time in godless and materialistic societies. " (page 64)
The above passage brings a light to the deeds one performs without the conscious awareness of consequences that can severely damage the soul. A society where unlimited pleasure and 'having fun' is paid at a very high price, resulting into confused youngsters and immoral minds.
Here's what I find very interesting:
"When societies begin to degenerate or become top-heavy and lopsided with over-sophistication, they begin to topple down and return to the same crude animal answer to their urges.This may not be visible in every social and cultural activity, but it is almost always pronounced in human relations and style in the pursuit of pleasure. A brief study of man in his responses to sex will demonstrate the case in point."( page 69)
I believe that the above stated paragraph is a harsh reality of what we are seeing today. Teenagers are shamefully forming their identities by victoriously losing virginity, uncontrollably giving in to pleasure and excitement to explore "their bodies" with the encouragement of fashionable magazines and explicit TV series. Why would a young mind be deteriorated by such selfish pursuit and deprive oneself of purity, rather than focus on more meaningful goals to increase intellect and intelligence? Isn't there a time for everything? Am I wrong, or has innocence only a place in fairy tales now?
"Where are those taboos in society-the codes of civil behavior, the concept of decency, etc which keep interfering with the free expression of natural urges? Why must sex be the only motive force which should be given a free license to express itself without regard to tradition, norms, decency, appropriateness, and the question of belonging or otherwise?" (page 71)
What really baffles me is today's news making.
Recently on the news, a research was shown that teenagers are influenced by explicit tv series such as 'Friends' and 'Sex and the City' (hmm, I wonder why!). What surprises me is that a research by professionals was needed to come to such an obvious conclusion! Promiscuous activities are shown as entertaining to an age group that heavily relies on worshipping unrealistic role models, making their every step look glamourous on screen, even if they'd taken the wrong path.
The concept of saving yourself for marriage may seem very old-fashioned or backwards nowadays, when there are so many resources available to entertain oneself and perceive it as "normal" as society has easily accepted to be free and wild -- My pondering question however, where is the self-respect??? The dignity of women and their daughters is lost in "lipstick jungle" and "gossip girl"...
The days of a man being a gentleman and a woman being coy and pious is sadly diminishing, unless we save the last bit of morality that is left in our childish persona.
Innocently speaking of course! :)
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Change, finally!
I have been speechless yesterday, unable to write my emotions on here or even verbalize how I was feeling. It still felt surreal.As I woke up early in the morning yesterday, I was hooked on the news, watching Barack Obama's acceptance speech over and over again. I needed reassurance, a double check to see whether he was truly our next President.
I must tell you, dear diary, the joy I felt when he was nonchalantly announced President by Charles Gibson during the counting of the polls, was beyond any other victorious feeling I have ever felt in my life. Politics are very tricky in that matter; they absorb you with their facts and happenings, but when it actually takes place in reality, the mind needs a minute to register of what is really happening and oh yes, it did!
These elections have not only be very entertaining, but they have unified our country in the most miraculous ways. Our youth has stepped up and people from all backgrounds and colors have seen a purpose to get up and vote, a direction that has finally come to us in the form of Barack Obama, who was eager to follow his will power and restore our vision for the country. The 'superpower' in us had died a long time ago and he came to revive us from the dark days, reaching out to young and old, to the wealthy and the poor. Connecting with us in a humane manner; a manner and approach we weren't familiar with and soon began to believe that Politics was such a tough and corrupt game that couldn't possibly be in our control. How wrong we were! The determination of one person lead to hopes and dreams of one entire nation and now the whole world is celebrating with us!
What really fascinates me about Barack Obama is not only his background, but his tenure and depth of intelligence. This incredible man has followed the right path, by accomplishing the best he could and as a man of color he never looked back or doubted his capabilities, instead he moved forwards with his strong work of ethics and ideology for our nation. A man like him who has proven himself of our freedom rights and free speech, our right to work hard and dream big and our right to rise above ourselves even when the tide of waves is against us. Oh what a victory!!!
This almost seems like a dream or a script out of a movie. When a party wins an election, it is known that defeat or victory will take place, but a 'win' of such a caliber, where not only a colorful nation supports and prays for a potential President, but also sees something special stir up within everyone; a sense of unity, a desire for change and a passion for real issues that are affecting us. Elections aren't about the politicians themselves, they are about us, the regular people who live life at work, in front of the tv, in the kitchen cooking dinner, at schools dropping our children -- we are the people.
You must have noticed the right wing Republican conservatives at McCain's concession speech. They were upper class white people dressed in formal suits and dresses alongside their perfectly groomed kids, almost 'gossip girl like society', who have probably never entered a public school or seen a normal kid dealing with financial struggles trying to support his single mom while taking responsibility as the only man in the house. These kids however, seemed well off and engaged in their 'handed down self created wealthy worlds', where basic necessities are luxuries for the ordinary man.
The crowd at Grant Park was the total opposite; they were people whom we deal with in real life, people of all colors, wearing just regular clothes, waiting with anticipation to welcome their new President. They were excited, over joyed and much more affected by the economy as the working class has immensely struggled and still is, for almost a decade. President-Elect Obama's speech was moving and must have touched everyone's heart. His seriousness showed in the words of his speech and his love for his wife and daughters was humbly mentioned in the speech and then beautifully shown on stage, without any hesitations and fakenes to it, was in itself a beautiful summary of his life, of how he is and what he stands for. Not only do we find a good President in him, but also a great dad and husband.
His powerful voice makes you aware that there is a leading male voice in the room. A voice that formulates sentences not only for their saying, but also for their purpose.
His schedule of yesterday consisted of waking up at 6 AM, having breakfast with his ladies and dropping of his daughters to school. Soon after that, he was scheduled to hit the gym and then take care of all business. He is on the job and I am happy that he is showing dedication from the very first day. (ha ha I almost sound like a mother!)
Let's pray for prosperity, actual change and good foreign relations. May the mess of the past 8 years be thoroughly cleaned and may all the nasty stains go away. It is time for a fresh new laundry!!! With a touch of lavender and lemon zest, washing away all the bad particles.
;)
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Vote!
As everyone knows, today is a historical day for us to witness! I have been waiting for this day to come as everyone else who consider themselves political enthusiasts and even regular people who are enticed by the new move of politics as we are seeing history being made! I have been disconnected in the past when it came to politics, mainly because of the Bush administration and its poor managing in resolving foreign conflicts and the consequences of spending billions of dollars on a useless war at the expense of innocent people and our economy.
I have voted for the very first time as this year I pledged my oath in becoming a United States Citizen. I felt joy and pride overwhelming me while it was still bittersweet for me to give up on my Dutch passport I so dearly have hold onto since birth.
I would've been sad if this year I wasn't able to vote to be a part of this enormous event, which will be engraved in everyone's memories and forever stated in history books. The experience itself is far beyond any words. A black man becoming the president of the United States, a man so sincere who had no political connections but strong will and determination. I admire this man.
It feels almost unreal and unbelievable. The land of opportunities has shown an extraordinary turn of fate that is controlled by the people we live with. Barack is able to reach us from within our heart and souls as well as outside the emotional aspects. Not only is he sensible and a fresh breathe of air, he has strong ideals and will fight with sincerity knowing that the common man has a lot to struggle in order to accomplish something so extraordinary.
I have full faith in today's elections. More so, I know that he will be a great President. I would switch the channels or tune into a different radio station, every time Bush would say something or appear on TV; I could not bring myself to accept him as a respectable president, but now...finally times have changed! And 'change' will occur for the better...
It's certainly a joyous occassion!!! OBAMA '08 !!!
I have voted for the very first time as this year I pledged my oath in becoming a United States Citizen. I felt joy and pride overwhelming me while it was still bittersweet for me to give up on my Dutch passport I so dearly have hold onto since birth.
I would've been sad if this year I wasn't able to vote to be a part of this enormous event, which will be engraved in everyone's memories and forever stated in history books. The experience itself is far beyond any words. A black man becoming the president of the United States, a man so sincere who had no political connections but strong will and determination. I admire this man.
It feels almost unreal and unbelievable. The land of opportunities has shown an extraordinary turn of fate that is controlled by the people we live with. Barack is able to reach us from within our heart and souls as well as outside the emotional aspects. Not only is he sensible and a fresh breathe of air, he has strong ideals and will fight with sincerity knowing that the common man has a lot to struggle in order to accomplish something so extraordinary.
I have full faith in today's elections. More so, I know that he will be a great President. I would switch the channels or tune into a different radio station, every time Bush would say something or appear on TV; I could not bring myself to accept him as a respectable president, but now...finally times have changed! And 'change' will occur for the better...
It's certainly a joyous occassion!!! OBAMA '08 !!!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Invisible Lines
Yesterday I was talking to an elderly lady in the mosque during our meeting. She is one of our African American sisters who sits quietly in the front row and pays attention to what is said and announced during the meeting. I have noticed how much of a joy it is to me to sit next to our non-Pakistani sisters whom have something else to bring to the table. This sister in particular was an elderly and when getting acquainted with her, I noticed the softness in her eyes and the many years she has lived being a strong, resilient woman.
Her husband passed away when she was at the age of 43. How young she was to lose a husband in the prime time of her life! I was listening intently to what she was saying and at the same time explaining of what was going on in the meeting. I felt valuable just sitting next to her. There is a certain wisdom and a vast depth of knowledge in elderly people and it always fascinates me when listening to their stories or the reminiscence of their precious memories. It is quite unique for me to have a conversation with someone who is out of my "league" or age group, but is there really a league in life? Can't we all just rotate age groups so now and then and learn from each other? I think the one thing, among others of course, I really value and am thankful for is the fact that my parents taught us Urdu. We were raised in a Pakistani household where 'Urdu' was the common language to speak. Not only have we mastered different languages, but the knowledge and experience of speaking these languages; whether Urdu, English, Punjabi or Dutch, makes us relate to people who are much elderly and find their native language the best and only way of communication.
Now of course, different factors such as personality traits, social skills and sincere interest are keys to open doors to people whom you may not find interesting at first. The humility, the keen eye for life and its experiences, is something you will find with elderly. They have a lot to contribute, we may underestimate them...but it is the 'gold' in them that can really value the worth of life.
I decided to sit next to her, as I am most of the time socializing with my Pakistani friends at the mosque. I always make it a point to get to know everyone, even the non-Pakistani sisters, but yesterday I felt at total ease talking to the sister about faith, the strength in women and our never ending journey. We are always present to take care of things and people and therefore our placement on earth is undeniably and extremely important. It can never be underestimated, no matter how old we get. Your wisdom is often measured by the lines on your forehead, but the lines that are engraved in the heart and the soul, the very invisible lines, aren't there to be seen...
but to endure.
Her husband passed away when she was at the age of 43. How young she was to lose a husband in the prime time of her life! I was listening intently to what she was saying and at the same time explaining of what was going on in the meeting. I felt valuable just sitting next to her. There is a certain wisdom and a vast depth of knowledge in elderly people and it always fascinates me when listening to their stories or the reminiscence of their precious memories. It is quite unique for me to have a conversation with someone who is out of my "league" or age group, but is there really a league in life? Can't we all just rotate age groups so now and then and learn from each other? I think the one thing, among others of course, I really value and am thankful for is the fact that my parents taught us Urdu. We were raised in a Pakistani household where 'Urdu' was the common language to speak. Not only have we mastered different languages, but the knowledge and experience of speaking these languages; whether Urdu, English, Punjabi or Dutch, makes us relate to people who are much elderly and find their native language the best and only way of communication.
Now of course, different factors such as personality traits, social skills and sincere interest are keys to open doors to people whom you may not find interesting at first. The humility, the keen eye for life and its experiences, is something you will find with elderly. They have a lot to contribute, we may underestimate them...but it is the 'gold' in them that can really value the worth of life.
I decided to sit next to her, as I am most of the time socializing with my Pakistani friends at the mosque. I always make it a point to get to know everyone, even the non-Pakistani sisters, but yesterday I felt at total ease talking to the sister about faith, the strength in women and our never ending journey. We are always present to take care of things and people and therefore our placement on earth is undeniably and extremely important. It can never be underestimated, no matter how old we get. Your wisdom is often measured by the lines on your forehead, but the lines that are engraved in the heart and the soul, the very invisible lines, aren't there to be seen...
but to endure.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Babies "R" Ours?
All this time while I was being absent from you, dear diary, there have been some major changes in my life. Azam and I have purchased a beautiful home and we are very happy as homeowners. The house is marvelous and we are trying to fully enjoy our home. Its been quite crazy while I've been absent from you, but nevertheless, I always feel the need to turn to you in times of happiness and all the other ups and downs of life.
Many a times have people asked me now about babies. The question that has been haunting me since the day I made the one year mark in our marriage. At first, I was happy to answer and I'd confidently say; "Oh,we'll see" but now it has come to a point where the questions are beginning to become a bit annoying. Now, I know the people who ask out of curiosity or out of love, but when I go to the mosque for instance and a total stranger 'aunty' walks up to me and says;"Why should I say anything to you, when I don't say anything to my own daughter about having babies"...I often get startled and am left literally speechless at times, not comprehending why someone who barely knows me would impose such a private question on me. Yes, I said it people...I think it's a private issue between a husband and a wife. I am not being ungrateful. I love kids, in fact I was the eldest daughter of my parents and I literally took care of my siblings like a motherhen. Marriage for me is a growing process; not only am I satisfied living with my husband, but I am also enjoying him and our marriage thoroughly. Of course, with enjoyment there are disagreements and the usual bickering so now and then, but all in all, we are doing great.
We are planning ahead for the future. Then why is is that I feel so unqualified or sometimes I feel as if I am sinning by not having babies right away? The observing eyes of people and their lingering thoughts is something I really dont mind, but to degrade a person by asking her all the time becomes very uncomfortable...it's only been one and a half year!
Is it so important to prove yourself of fertility right after marriage? Can't one just wait and plan financially and emotionally? Luckily, Azam and I are on the same page and we are smart enough to understand and cherish the moments we have now. You see, everything is divided in phases or chapters. To me, this chapter in my life is beautiful and exciting and I am more than sure that motherhood will be precious and mind blowing. I seriously drool over babies. I love them; their tiny hands, tiny feet, the smell of baby powder and then the small joyous moments of laughter that is free entertainment when having this little bundle in your life. I know it and I surely look forward to it.
I have seen moms losing themselves over kids. Not building their identities over time, can cause damage to their confidence and makes them feel insecure in front of their husbands. Its reality and everyone knows it; a woman can't be used as a trophy wife or else she'll suffer, unless ofcourse you've set your mind to living like your husband's shadow. Now, this isnt said as disrespect to husbands, it's only said as motivation to women who think the only thing they can offer is being a wife and mother and unfortunately lose themselves over this process. I admire those who are strong, confident and secure with being a mom and wife...I greatly admire them and one day hope to offer my kids the life I've dreamt of. :)
As of right now, my husband and I are acting like kids ourselves. We bought bikes and since we can park the bikes in our garage, we feel like two excited kids who get playtime to enjoy a ride outside! :)...
Life is sweet and it will be sweeter. I am just saving honey for the bees.
BZZZzzzzzZZZZZ
Many a times have people asked me now about babies. The question that has been haunting me since the day I made the one year mark in our marriage. At first, I was happy to answer and I'd confidently say; "Oh,we'll see" but now it has come to a point where the questions are beginning to become a bit annoying. Now, I know the people who ask out of curiosity or out of love, but when I go to the mosque for instance and a total stranger 'aunty' walks up to me and says;"Why should I say anything to you, when I don't say anything to my own daughter about having babies"...I often get startled and am left literally speechless at times, not comprehending why someone who barely knows me would impose such a private question on me. Yes, I said it people...I think it's a private issue between a husband and a wife. I am not being ungrateful. I love kids, in fact I was the eldest daughter of my parents and I literally took care of my siblings like a motherhen. Marriage for me is a growing process; not only am I satisfied living with my husband, but I am also enjoying him and our marriage thoroughly. Of course, with enjoyment there are disagreements and the usual bickering so now and then, but all in all, we are doing great.
We are planning ahead for the future. Then why is is that I feel so unqualified or sometimes I feel as if I am sinning by not having babies right away? The observing eyes of people and their lingering thoughts is something I really dont mind, but to degrade a person by asking her all the time becomes very uncomfortable...it's only been one and a half year!
Is it so important to prove yourself of fertility right after marriage? Can't one just wait and plan financially and emotionally? Luckily, Azam and I are on the same page and we are smart enough to understand and cherish the moments we have now. You see, everything is divided in phases or chapters. To me, this chapter in my life is beautiful and exciting and I am more than sure that motherhood will be precious and mind blowing. I seriously drool over babies. I love them; their tiny hands, tiny feet, the smell of baby powder and then the small joyous moments of laughter that is free entertainment when having this little bundle in your life. I know it and I surely look forward to it.
I have seen moms losing themselves over kids. Not building their identities over time, can cause damage to their confidence and makes them feel insecure in front of their husbands. Its reality and everyone knows it; a woman can't be used as a trophy wife or else she'll suffer, unless ofcourse you've set your mind to living like your husband's shadow. Now, this isnt said as disrespect to husbands, it's only said as motivation to women who think the only thing they can offer is being a wife and mother and unfortunately lose themselves over this process. I admire those who are strong, confident and secure with being a mom and wife...I greatly admire them and one day hope to offer my kids the life I've dreamt of. :)
As of right now, my husband and I are acting like kids ourselves. We bought bikes and since we can park the bikes in our garage, we feel like two excited kids who get playtime to enjoy a ride outside! :)...
Life is sweet and it will be sweeter. I am just saving honey for the bees.
BZZZzzzzzZZZZZ
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