opportunities

I haven't written to you in the longest time and I have felt a void, dear diary, but my priority was to figure some things out for myself and report back to you as to what is happening in my life.
You'd be thrilled to know that my job @ Banana Republic is going great and I am also starting a new job at a Financial Investment Company just right by my house! The opportunities are just amazing and I find myself excited about the future. :)

Wish me the best.

deliriously happy or sick?

I have been wide awake all this time, trying to force myself to get a goodnight sleep and ignore the nastiness of my ongoing sinuses and trails of tissues I am leaving behind everywhere. I am stuffed; I can't smell nor taste anything and my mind seems to be occupied with deep thoughts and the concern to get better before work starts tomorrow. I don't really feel sick. I feel a mixture of happiness and anxiousness all at the same time. Happiness that is visible from the tangible energy I can feel in the air; the kind of new hope that is about to arise next week Tuesday during the inauguration of President-Elect Obama. People may not be too excited right now with the harsh situation of our economy and our very own pockets, but the feeling of "change" is definitely felt and acknowledged.


Even though my runny nose is making my life quite miserable at the moment, especially when I went to the bakery section at HEB to get croissants for breakfast today; I felt nauseous with the sight of my own tissue holding up to prevent from sneezing into any of the glass cubed cases while I was picking out the croissants (ewww yikes), feeling like a leaking germ machine. I left the store hurriedly and made my way home feeling unpleasant about my journey even though I was able to stick a chocolate glazed donut in my mouth while driving. I thought the donut would soothe my senses, but I was wrong. I couldn't taste a bit of my sugary glazed donut, instead, I was chewing down huge chunks of bread-like substances down my throat and felt nothing -- literally nothing. A donut is supposed to break all barriers of distaste and feeling of hopelessness. My donut however, didn't do anything.


I also stopped at Walgreens to get the best cold/flu medication they had in the aisle. With my head down and my pashmina shawl across my mouth, I was able to make it to the aisle all the way in the back, without a sneeze. I then looked for the heaviest medicine and decided to consult a "friendly" pharmacist of my products. By then, I had picked a Nyquil, a box of heavy Tylenol Cold/Flu tablets and a pack of cherry flavored Halls to chew on. The pharmacist was of Asian race like everyone else there and I couldn't help but think of how much they were earning and whether they were feeling comfortable working amongst their own species. I was feeling fuzzy and my thoughts were uncontrollably everywhere. The "friendly" pharmacist never blinked an eye, but had this intimidating stare that made me more aware of my condition as I was trying to prevent a ' sudden surprise sneeze' right into his face. I would turn my head to the side and pretend I was about to sneeze, just to give him a heads up in case an "accident" would occur. The pharmacist seemed the least interested in my life- saving tactics and explained the intake of the medication as any other cold, monotone pharmacist I may come across. I wonder whether they become immune to sick people? Like doctors for instance.


I was watching TV today when Grey's Anatomy came on and decided to watch the episode where sex, drama and illogical actions within a medical hospital are the 'norm' of the doctors' job description. I have been appalled by their story line in the past, but today, I had no strength to raise opinions about the writer's script, so I went along with my stuffy head and watched the entire episode becoming drawn into Meredith's cold character. Maybe because I felt delirious and illogical?


I noticed how often they display a character in such episodes that is an expert in his/her field, cutting people open, giving sarcastic but confident remarks, the straight to the point talk... and how often they are the ones who truly care about their patients, but keep on wearing a mask of indifference towards their profession, just to differentiate their emotions with practical approach. Isn't that a successful and less painful approach to accomplishing our goals in life?


I am sure medical students go through human emotions while learning about the anatomy of our bodies, but they are taught to be alert, to learn and keep their eyes open. I wonder how courageous that is, or is it called courage? To hide emotions behind a veil of professionalism and real practice, one needs to be in control of his/her weaknesses. It is easy to dwell into the emotional whirlpool of life, to lose oneself in irrational ramblings and grasping on to what is reality, but we forget that we are the product of humanity and that God is the only Creator with all the right answers...rightfully so.


I have given up on my emotional self. I have told "her" to disappear when I am irrational, illogical, nostalgic and perhaps too hopeful of happiness around me. The reality is, happiness is my self created perception in which I fully acknowledge God's greatest gifts; I thank Him immensely for everything and move on to become better, better than my own imagination.


The journey of betterment continues as I am finding myself visualizing a destination in which I am learning, teaching and 'giving' to those who are needy. I see the hard work and the sacrifice that I will have to make in order to gain, but I am up for it. I see hope, I see a change and I still see my youth glistening like a rainbow in a clear blue sky smiling upon the surrounding nature. I see and I feel. I feel the greatness of life while writing my thoughts to you, I feel the endless opportunities of this world while anxiously awaiting the inauguration. I feel worthy of my intelligence and know that anything is possible as long as I put my mind to it.


I am dreaming bigger with the trust in God that I have put everything, all my confusions and demons out to Him. They will slowly fade away and I will live life growing greater, knowing better, experiencing 'the new' and the impossible.

Nothing is impossible anymore.
Nothing.

(Alas, my "catchy phrased" letterhead to the new President!)

Focus

Dear Diary,

I know I have been absent from the day I wrote my memories of 2008, but I assure you of my comeback. I am focusing on what I find important and finally I've come to the realization that no one can tell me what to do. I will carve out my own path and my destiny.
I need to achieve something 'tangible' - have my accomplishments written in stone to not only prove my worthiness, but also make a promising future.
Only God knows the stress and the hard work I will have to face, but I am willing to do it. I am willing to shut those up who think are superior to me and have a saying on MY life.
Not anymore. I will find success. There is no time to relax, there is no time to waste and there is certainly no time to feel sorry for oneself. If one brings me down, I will fight back in a way that will only shape my future. I will surround myself with success and leave out those who mock, insult and disrespect.

For now, this short note shows you that you've always been in my heart and that I will try to be more loyal to you. I always need your "unsaid" support.


Love,
the renewed Naila

Leaving 2008...

The year 2008 has come with its many surprises, joys, some tears of all the ups and downs, but most importantly, blessings that have surmounted our lives with beautiful experiences and unexpected gifts God has bestowed upon us.


- My citizenship in January 2008.

- The purchase of my Honda Accord in February 2008.

- Centenary (100 year celebration) Khilafat Jalsa in Pennsylvania & meeting with Hazoor!

- Trip to Washington DC with my siblings after the Jalsa.

- Amma's (mother-in-law's) visit to our apartment for Ahmed's Engagement that took place after Jalsa.

- Madiha (my sister) and I had the opportunity to sing our Qaseedah in front of the ladies' section at the Jalsa convention. She sang in Arabic and I sang the translation in Urdu simultaneously.

- Appearing several times as a co-host on the radio show "Youth Forum" and being praised by people all the way from Dubai. An amazing experience.

- My 3rd prize winning for the essay writing competition on the topic of: "Blessings of Khilafat"

- Hurricane Ike and its aftermath. Family gathered at Nasir Mamoo's to seek shelter.

- Saying goodbye to Richmond Green Apartments.

- Purchasing our beautiful home, doing the loan on it and saving thousands of dollars.

- Moving into our beautiful home and falling in love with my kitchen and backyard.

- Brother-in-law's gland surgery and his way to recovery.

- First time voting as an American Citizen.

- Making of friends -- the precious ones, whom I can always rely on.

- Our first Halloween in our new home. It was fun to receive kids at the door wearing scary costumes. I wore a black chaadar and dracula teeth to scare them off.

- The masjid, located 10 minutes away from our house, feels like my second home. I love our Houston mosque. I seek refuge in God's residence and I find peace in my every "sajdah".

- Reading; "Islam's response to Contemporary Issues" and being awed again by Hazrat Mirza Tahir Ahmed's penmanship and immense wisdom.
The book is inspiring and covers all real subjects we face in today's society.

- My excitement for "Little Mosque on the Prairie" season 4 -- still continues. Am a BIG fan.

- Obama's win of Presidential election against McCain! A historic moment witnessed from my living room while jumping out of joy.

- My sister Madiha's engagement in Tracy, CA : An absolute beautiful moment. Getting to know her lovely in-laws.

- Lunch with Tabassum (Tabs) in Rice Village and our ongoing conversations on various topics. Great friend.

- The discovery of great places around Houston, especially restaurants. Great people too!

- Tested of my love and questioned of my worth - a painful phase.

- New Hobby: Gardening of front and backyard.

- Our subscription to Netflix and watching Planet Earth on DVD.

- My wholehearted acceptance at Azam's Chinese Stir Fry noodles being better than mine. I let go of my culinary pride! ;)

- My participation at the Ijtema; winning 1st prize English Impromptu Speech and 2nd for Tilawat. I also managed to dominate the workshops/discussions by voicing my opinion on everything that was on my mind. Very liberating.

- Garage hunting in our neighborhood and finding great objects to (re)use.

- The purchase of our bikes and touring around our neighborhood, even when it rained!

- The movie Slumdog Millionaire -- excellent movie we saw in the theaters.

- The relief of Bush finally leaving the White House.
The 'shoe throwing' episode was an absolute highlight! Literally jootay parhe...

- My friend Rizwana in Canada gave birth to her precious little baby girl; Ariana Mahrosh Upal.

- Nabeel's (my brother) first semester in College - he is working hard towards a bright future, Inshallah.

- The economic crisis around the country (and the world) making us weary of our future. Strengthening our strategies in all aspects.

- My Thanksgiving dinner to family and friends in our new home with the making of my experimental menu which turned out a success!

- Weekend away at Mani Khala's and getting to know her College friend, Shamuna baji.

- Our little road trip to Sonora, TX to see the Caverns of Sonora. Pretty cool.

- The conception of my new entrepreneurial project (in the works).

- Skipping on jump ropes to skip on a gym membership.

- My part-time job at Banana Republic turns out to be a ' God sent temporary distraction' for me; alas my passion for fashion. Love the employee discount!

- Very mild (wet) snowfall in Houston that lasted for half a day.

- I clearly remember the day in 2008 when my friend Fakhra took her time out during her stressful finals to spend time with me while I was visiting my family in Tracy.
Not only was she a delight to my eyes, but her personality and one on one attention, made me feel like a queen. Her book of quotes for my birthday and the ballerina card are two things I keep very close to me.

- The desire to make something out of myself -- gaining another level of confidence.

- The ugliness, The beautiful, The inevitable, The impossible & lastly...

The Incredible!!! (Alhamdulillah)

Home Sweet Home

I absolutely love my home. I love every nook, every corner, every tile, every window...and every wall of my beautiful home. It's my safe and secure abode; my home is my heaven.


When looking for a property to purchase, we had seen quite a few in the past, but the moment I walked into my home -- I knew it right away. I knew it when entering the hallway and walking up to the previous owner. I knew it when looking at the spacious kitchen and the beautiful counters. I also knew that I was destined to buy it from her, the previous owner, when meeting her for the first time and instantly acknowledging her taste and efforts in making this beautiful house a livable experience. I was drawn to each and every room and the backyard...Oh my.


Have I told you how much I love my backyard? I find it to die for. I love my pond with the water running. I love the palm trees and the immaculate landscaping. I love the tiles leading towards the pond and most importantly, I love my rose bushes on the side of the house. The house, the color and the landscaping totally fits my personality and I find myself looking for flowers to seed in this season for them to blossom next year in Spring. I am excited about the prospect of giving life to earth to my backyard and I am also excited about the prospect of giving life to my next generation. I can see myself making lunch bags for the tiny ones, I can see them involved in the backyard planting vegetables with daddy dearest, I see them playing on the grass with a hose running water, splattering everywhere. Just like my childhood.
I see all of that.


I also see myself yearning for my home every time I am out and about running my chores or going to work. My work does not consist of much stress, but when I come home, I like to look forward to sitting in the backyard with a cup of tea with my feet up, soaking in the sun. My flattering whispers belong to my trees and plants whom I love and nurture. I see a long commitment with all of them and I see their worth in my eyes. Useless worries dissipate with the thought of gratitude and belonging to my beautiful abode in which I am the queen of.
The happily buzzzing queen bee.


Today was such a day. A day of extreme gratitude the moment I walked back into my home. Exhausted from work, I made myself a cup of chaii and jumped onto the comfortable (2nd hand, still the best though!) sofa. I felt so comfortable and before I could make an excuse of getting up and "not relaxing", my tiredness had taken over and the sofa warmed me, it took me into his grip of peacefulness and calming comfort. I surrendered and slept for two hours straight.
As I woke up and hubby dear had entered the house, I made my way into the kitchen, fixed a quick snack to have with our everyday ritual 'tea time'.


I love God for surrounding us with such beauty of life. He is the Greatest and the most Gracious. I feel His presence as if He listens to my every wish, even in times of disillusions -- I feel my soul to be enlightened.

Planet Earth

I am happy to inform that after a small road trip when going sightseeing this past weekend near San Antonio...well, at the Caverns of Sonora to be exact... I am doing much better now. We have rekindled all that we thought was lost in the midst of confusion and hurt. The caverns of Sonora were interesting to visit on Friday the 26th of December. There was a small group lead by the tour guide and we just made it on time to join in the fun! At first glance, you would never guess that a deserted ranch would have such an interesting discovery underneath its ground. In 1960 the owners of the ranch found a cave that was filled with crystal like formations due to the humidity of dripping water and acidity of growing milestone. The formations were incredible to see. We've made a lot of pictures, but the picture do not do justice to the real beauty of the cave -- one needs to go out there and explore by their own.

Main Website:
http://www.cavernsofsonora.com/index.php

Visiting the cave was a great experience for the both of us and it made me even more determined to see more caves in the world, to see the places that are unknown and unseen to my eyes and breathe in all the purity of something bigger than mankind; God's incredible Nature. It was quite a coincidence that we've been watching the series: Planet Earth on DVD, ordering each CD through netflix. We are immensely fascinated by this beautiful documentary and the last CD covered the caves of a faraway place in which the producers had a hard time getting permission filming for. In that cave, the same crystal like formations are shown, but the enormity of the cave is obviously much bigger and grand than the one we went to.


The excitement ran through us as we stepped through each and every cave 'room' as our tour guide explained all the different kinds of formations and their shapes similar to animal like figures. We weren't allowed to touch the formations, nor the walls, but my hand did touch the bumpy walls once or twice. I asked the tour guide about any animals in the cave and he explained the possibility of some bugs without eyes due to the extreme darkness of the cave. The tour guide would switch the lights on as we would walk onto the next slope.


The drive back home was not a pleasant one as we were misguided by our GPS. "She" took us through small cities and dangerous curvy roads with no lights. Throughout the journey I kept on praying for a safe arrival. My wish was to stop over and drive the next morning, but I guess we were eager to reach home as well. We did see a small town called Fredericksburg. When our car stopped at the light, I told Azam to park as the whole street was filled with Christmas decorations and I immediately noticed this cute little bakery, I was of course naturally drawn to. The atmosphere seemed like winter wonderland right out of a story book. The car never parked and we kept going...

I looked from my car window at this small town with much excitement and wonder like a four year old. Next year during Christmas, I have made a mental note to visit this beautiful town while staying over at his aunt's in Austin.

All in all; a good refreshing trip. Ho Ho!!!

Flair for Fashion

From the moment I've started working at Banana Republic, as a part time seasonal job for the time being, I feel so much connected with my inner-self. I love to dress up, go to work and talk about my days with my female collegeaus, help customers in giving fashion advice and I especially love the flexibility of the hours I work. They are quite amazing in giving days off and one can always come back after notifying them of your absence which can take even a month, with a valid reason of course. Most of the girls I work with, are either students or girls who work full time to become managers. The managers themselves are moms and fashionable ladies in their late twenties or early thirties. It's a treat for my eyes and my fashionable appetite to see 'fashion' worn the right way by ladies who are beautiful, hard working and talented.


It was interesting to discover when one girl, I believe eighteen years old, squeeled in amazement at my answer to her question at how old I was and couldn't believe I was married.
She then said she was thinking I was either 21 or 22 years old. To see her surpising response, I was suprised myself and laughed at her enthusiastic behavior.
It was flattering to know that I was considered one of the young-ins, doing a part time job, just to save some money while I was studying away at one of the universities, perhaps being the popular one with lots of friends and admirers. Ha Ha! I was truly flattered to be mistaken for a younger version of myself and realized at the same time, the advantage I have of being married and for having the physique of looking twenty one. Personality wise, I believe to be sophisticated, but also crazily blunt when my sense of humor kicks in. I never hold back on expressing my jokes or dry humor in all honesty. I just say it and have a good time with it.


The girl probably saw my bubbly-ness while my seriousness & sophistication was invisible to this lively girl who has only seen eighteen years of her carefree girlish life and could've never possible imagined me married or succesful in my real estate career in which selling houses and providing loans was as easy and natural to me like selling clothes and talking fashion sense to customers. They don't know. Neither do I know where the rest of the girls are from or what they have seen in life.


I love that Banana Republic makes us all look the same -- it makes us all become fashionable young women with the same mission on hand; folding cashmere sweaters, ringing up people at the cashier, making small talk with people who are looking for certain items and keeping an eye on those clothes that will give us an extra discount for being employees.
I love it. I love having my employee discount, but more than that, I love the feel of quality clothes and admire the mastermind of designs that goes behind the making of such beautiful merchandise. I love to see the creativity in colors, shapes, cuts, fabrics and embelishments.
I feel like a designer of my fashion line when consulting people of accentuating their waist by purchasing a wide alligator belt underneath a cardigan or a dress. I give examples of Vera Wang and her concept of 'layering' clothes to make them multi-dimensional. I make my customers feel important by disclosing fashion information of what is 'hot' on the runway in New York. I tell them what is appropriate for their age and ocassion. I give them my knowledge and service of a world I love -- the world of fashion & glamour.


I live out my New Yorker persona, my cosmopolitan city-girl dream in exchange for working at Banana Republic and escaping from a domestic self, in which I've always found joy in, but the perfect lights, the racks of clothes and display of immaculate mannequins, makes me run back to this world in which I can be a part of. I can surround myself with the quality and touch of such beautiful wear.

Life is so beautiful. I 'wear' all that is beautiful.