Thursday, March 20, 2008

Naila Nation

As I was driving back home from work, I tuned in to Sangeet Radio 1460 fm Houston and got caught up thinking in calling them and answering a thoughtful question. The question asked to the listeners was; What would you change about the world? Or America in particular?

I was keen on letting them know that the very first thing I'd like to see as a change would be health care. I didn't elaborate on my answer since I thought that by saying health care, my meaning to say universal or much affordable health care without corruption of profitable government entities, would be quite obvious. However, now I do regret for not explaining a little bit of my standpoint regarding this issue. The next thing I said was the perspective of people on Islam, especially on those youngsters who need to redefine this beautiful religion for themselves. I then blabbered on saying something about other perspectives around the world that needs to be changed and I remember saying in my head; Naila stop! Enough talk.,...its a radio talk show, not a long melodramatic phone conversation with your friend!

Soon after my call, I could imagine myself sitting in a studio talking to "the world" about all the topics that I find important and the world is currently dealing with; the upbringing of children in this society, the countless attractions surrounded in our daily lives, the hatred, the lies, the love and the commitments. All of it. I could imagine taking people's phone calls and consoling the parents not to give up, but pray and emphasize "good" in their children and similarly I would talk to young people in their own voice, in their upbeat style and mentality to not only connect but also "live" through their troubles and moments of joy. A radio show that would offer a big sister, a good friend and a soothing voice to heal and move on and perhaps learn a thing or two from.
A funny program, full of laughter, little mishaps and a relief for those who are disconnected with their inner-voice...frantically in search for purpose and sheer joy. The simplicity of living lies in sharing I believe. I love to share. Not only that, but I HAVE to share. A day without sharing is mostly incomplete for me. Ok, these past couple of sentences are starting to sound like a kindergarten 'sharing song'! :) Oh well, sharing is caring...just sing along!

When you come to think of it , there are so many people in the world with personalities that differ and are unique in their own way. Some like to share and some not. Some don't care at all of what others think and live their lives in their self-created cocoon, a safety net for unfortunate failures.
Then there are those called, open books. They won't mind turning each and every page of their book and reading it out loud for you accompanied with details and spontaneity, story after story depicting themselves as the head character, either deadly boring or engagingly fun.

I hope to maintain "fun" in my sharing sessions, whether it's sharing my happenings throughout the day or sharing a certain view on an important topic, one shouldn't become monotone or pessimistic.

While it is easy to delve into everything you say and regret the things you haven't said to clarify your standpoint later on, it is also very important not to forget that your voice is like an echo of your thoughts. The mouth may blabber the words per se, but the mind gathers the words and filters them into rigorous critiques signaling less self-worth and low self-esteem as a feedback, unless those same words, after filtration, are converted into happy thoughts.

Are you catching my drift? haha...the same is happening right now. After my radio phone call, I went over my words and really criticized myself for not saying more, for not saying perfectly what I had planned on saying. I could feel my thoughts struggling in my brain while I was driving, the negatives were pulling hard against the positives, pushing them farther and farther out of my mind. I could feel the pressure hoping up in my thoughts, the anxiousness in my physique started to appear, the sadness and disappointment of an imperfect performance was taking place and I found myself staring at an endless road. Driving in a robotic state of mind, I felt as if my mind was a different part of my body until I began to realize the foolishness in this! Why would a certain event that lasted 1 minute long have such an effect on me? Why would I think about it over and over again, until I could hear my skull cracking? I then put on a song and sang to the unfamiliar lyrics, feeling the sun through my tinted windows and as I drove home I gradually felt the mind relaxing since the struggle was over. Finite.

I slowly parked my car in the lot, made my way upstairs, opened the door and smiled as I entered and greeted my livable apartment. The mind wasn't signaling anything, but a cup of hot tea!

Naila's nation in my head withdrew itself, preparing to combat and battle upon a different venture of life...soon, very soon.

My tea, sizzling hot.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

New Job Jitters

Dear Diary,

Tomorrow is my very first day on the job and as smooth as my interview went, I do feel a little jittery for starting off a new job. You must know, I have been out of work for almost a year now (beside some article writing). However, during the interview I felt as if I was back on track and my interview couldn't have gone better. I was confident, precise to my answers, attentive and witty when the need arose. I also smiled in between sentences which probably kept my conversation fresh and exciting.

You know, I really did a good job and I never felt nervous throughout the process. I like people asking me questions, I like answering challenging questions and most of all, I like to prove myself. This has been an ongoing inner struggle within myself; my self-worth. It's funny how I mentioned that my very first years when moving to America were essential to me, like my first teller job that I took and how it changed my approach and confidence in people and myself. I also said how much of a big role it played in developing people skills and getting to know America's culture. A country so vast and diverse, made an ever lasting impression on a girl who 10 years ago was sitting in a Dutch High school, wearing round glasses and braces with her hair neatly tied in a pony tail, a shy girl with a strong need to learn and absorb every little detail the teacher taught, while taking the front row seat in class.

Ha! I can't believe I said that! I remember saying it in a very summarized way, concluding my answer about the growing journey of a teenager who embraced America and in return received a jar full of worldly knowledge. I remember saying that in a very short but poetic way. The employer would nod and say something nice; his eyes would flicker with the every face expression I made. I hope that was a good thing. Hmmm well, I remember him saying that he thought that I was bright and energetic! Not only that, but today I received an email with another compliment about my many talents and how good of an asset I'd be to the company! I liked it! It's good to hear all that, especially when you've dedicated yourself to domestic pursuits throughout the year and so was I, Naila,
happy to have found myself as an independent girl when walking out the enormous building, knowing that I can be super wife, super daughter and yes, super employee! :):)

I need to arrange my closet and my first day on the job is tomorrow. What shall I wear? I may go with black formal pants and a nice shirt that has flared sleeves with embroidery on the neckline...hmmm....or maybe I should skip the embroidery for now and go for a starch white blouse...?

My new job jitters are starting to appear. I am happy.

Monday, March 10, 2008

March Madness

March is the month of severe weather, thunderstorms, possible tornado warnings. March is also a month of fashion with NY Fashion week kicking off its newest collections in the previous month, fashion shows all over the mainstream capitals start gearing up for Spring. March is also tax preparation month and a killer for those out there who have to pay up and are starving to save a tidbit until the grueling IRS period is behind their back for at least a year.

March is stressful for students studying for their midterms, sipping gallons of caffeine to stay alert when eagerly awaiting to finish their darn semester. March is Spring Break when you can take a breather or rather regret your kids being home. Ohhh March...
And you know what?

March also celebrates my 1st wedding anniversary. 25th March to be exact. So as we are busy in March, we are marching ahead and completing our tasks, knowing that March may come with some obstacles but March is fresh and new. March gives us bloom from seeds and new birth from a dreadful winter embracing warmth and happy beginnings. March that is.

In March there is Basant (kite-flying festival in Lahore, Pakistan) and there is Easter with mr. Bunny and his colorful eggs. In March there is Aids walk, the one I wanted to attend and am now reminded of, as I am typing? hmmm. March also ended the long-stretched Writer's strike that all of us were dreading and were hoping it would end sooner, oh well, better late than favorite shows will finally air and I'd be able to call it my TV-Sunday!
In the month of March, Dubai's annual shopping festival takes place attracting more than 2.5 million visitors from all over the world. I'd certainly have to see a festival this big! :)

March also welcomes the real "March Madness": The men and women basketball tournaments. These tournaments determine the national champions of college basketball.
If dunking a ball or buying a pair of heels is what you like, then you are free to choose your own madness. Mine is lost in the midst of trying to learn how to bake cookies and on the other spectrum; to stand on my feet and accomplish long-set goals.

March will set new ground to an establishment for all of us; whether it's taxes, a new baby, a new career, crazy weather, or a new spring fashion spree...we are laying a fertile soil for our little plants to grow on, promising a fruitful summer ahead of us!

If madness would come in the form of my dear friend March, I'd gladly accept it...won't you? ;)