Thursday, March 20, 2008

Naila Nation

As I was driving back home from work, I tuned in to Sangeet Radio 1460 fm Houston and got caught up thinking in calling them and answering a thoughtful question. The question asked to the listeners was; What would you change about the world? Or America in particular?

I was keen on letting them know that the very first thing I'd like to see as a change would be health care. I didn't elaborate on my answer since I thought that by saying health care, my meaning to say universal or much affordable health care without corruption of profitable government entities, would be quite obvious. However, now I do regret for not explaining a little bit of my standpoint regarding this issue. The next thing I said was the perspective of people on Islam, especially on those youngsters who need to redefine this beautiful religion for themselves. I then blabbered on saying something about other perspectives around the world that needs to be changed and I remember saying in my head; Naila stop! Enough talk.,...its a radio talk show, not a long melodramatic phone conversation with your friend!

Soon after my call, I could imagine myself sitting in a studio talking to "the world" about all the topics that I find important and the world is currently dealing with; the upbringing of children in this society, the countless attractions surrounded in our daily lives, the hatred, the lies, the love and the commitments. All of it. I could imagine taking people's phone calls and consoling the parents not to give up, but pray and emphasize "good" in their children and similarly I would talk to young people in their own voice, in their upbeat style and mentality to not only connect but also "live" through their troubles and moments of joy. A radio show that would offer a big sister, a good friend and a soothing voice to heal and move on and perhaps learn a thing or two from.
A funny program, full of laughter, little mishaps and a relief for those who are disconnected with their inner-voice...frantically in search for purpose and sheer joy. The simplicity of living lies in sharing I believe. I love to share. Not only that, but I HAVE to share. A day without sharing is mostly incomplete for me. Ok, these past couple of sentences are starting to sound like a kindergarten 'sharing song'! :) Oh well, sharing is caring...just sing along!

When you come to think of it , there are so many people in the world with personalities that differ and are unique in their own way. Some like to share and some not. Some don't care at all of what others think and live their lives in their self-created cocoon, a safety net for unfortunate failures.
Then there are those called, open books. They won't mind turning each and every page of their book and reading it out loud for you accompanied with details and spontaneity, story after story depicting themselves as the head character, either deadly boring or engagingly fun.

I hope to maintain "fun" in my sharing sessions, whether it's sharing my happenings throughout the day or sharing a certain view on an important topic, one shouldn't become monotone or pessimistic.

While it is easy to delve into everything you say and regret the things you haven't said to clarify your standpoint later on, it is also very important not to forget that your voice is like an echo of your thoughts. The mouth may blabber the words per se, but the mind gathers the words and filters them into rigorous critiques signaling less self-worth and low self-esteem as a feedback, unless those same words, after filtration, are converted into happy thoughts.

Are you catching my drift? haha...the same is happening right now. After my radio phone call, I went over my words and really criticized myself for not saying more, for not saying perfectly what I had planned on saying. I could feel my thoughts struggling in my brain while I was driving, the negatives were pulling hard against the positives, pushing them farther and farther out of my mind. I could feel the pressure hoping up in my thoughts, the anxiousness in my physique started to appear, the sadness and disappointment of an imperfect performance was taking place and I found myself staring at an endless road. Driving in a robotic state of mind, I felt as if my mind was a different part of my body until I began to realize the foolishness in this! Why would a certain event that lasted 1 minute long have such an effect on me? Why would I think about it over and over again, until I could hear my skull cracking? I then put on a song and sang to the unfamiliar lyrics, feeling the sun through my tinted windows and as I drove home I gradually felt the mind relaxing since the struggle was over. Finite.

I slowly parked my car in the lot, made my way upstairs, opened the door and smiled as I entered and greeted my livable apartment. The mind wasn't signaling anything, but a cup of hot tea!

Naila's nation in my head withdrew itself, preparing to combat and battle upon a different venture of life...soon, very soon.

My tea, sizzling hot.

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