Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Starting Over

Starting as a new born baby in this world with the growing pains of learning, falling and getting up again...I have decided "starting over" isn't a big deal anymore at the age of twenty five. I also realized that "time" can never be late, since the time spent towards improvement is never wasted, even when failures and disappointments take place. My disappointments are very self-destructive, the ones I don't like to talk about, but always make my stomach turn from the inside when I think about. More so, these are expectations that I highly hold for myself in order to live up to my own self-reflection. The outer world perceives me as a whole person, but the "Naila" in me always has a fine niche for criticism somewhere lying around. I have decided to fill in that empty spot within me, mark it off in a (self)-application box and never regret. Stop it right there!

Starting over in a new career, a new place that has taken me almost a year to explore with my homesickness to California; I have taken a vow of discovering new adventures in Houston, whether it be career related or entertainment wise, life will be much interesting once I step outside in the overbearing sun of Houston with its massive hugeness applied to every building and every step I take. Nevertheless, I don't feel lighter, I don't feel triumphant, but I feel a sheer joy crawling up on me, knowing that this may become the most exciting year of my life...apart from the 'newly wed' roller coaster ride of last year.

I have been sending off resumes all morning long, expecting to receive an answer, a phone call or someone squealing at the other end of the line begging to hire me....the one and only and yes!...I'm back in demand! :) To every employer I apply, to every building I gaze...I find myself walking in a business suit dealing with tons of real estate transactions, I somehow drift away into the security of my home. The nest that I have build over the past year, this soft embrace of household satisfaction; the hourly brewing of green tea is just a couple of feet away sitting on my kitchen stove from pouring into my teacup, the little trip to the balcony in the afternoon to water my plants and the soaking of my feet in the calmness of the sun---can never and I repeat never be replaced in a fast paced working environment where the AC will be turned up high, resulting into layering on clothing over clothing, killing the fashion, where stress is another way of paying off youthful energy and slowly, but daily chipping away on mental stability to make place for the so-called rat race, the chase of a lifetime . Melodramatic aint I? haha!

Naawww, I am over thinking it a little. Maybe starting over and facing the people will bring new experiences for me to laugh on and share with. I am a people's person hidden behind this computer screen, making a buck or two by observing the world as it is through my apartment window overlooking the boring parking lot.
Richmond Ave. Houston. Texas. The World.

The reality; My world. I better push the START button or life itself will push me OVER the fence. Starting over that is.


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