I have a job interview today. I am a master at them. I make the necessary eye contact, I say the right stuff , I dress well and walk out knowing that the employer is impressed with my mannerism and professionalism.
Today however, I am not in the mood. I am contemplating work. I am contemplating society and its harsh approach to women who are homemakers. What's wrong with that I ask? Do I need to produce kids in order to be worthy of being a housewife?
I think the main thing that is bugging me is not work itself. I have worked all my life, but the fact that I haven't been able to fully enjoy my new home with all the added pressure & inconsiderations that have been put on us lately. I feel as if someone has sucked my excitement away. As new homeowners, there is pressure to save as much we can and sacrifice a little, and I understand. Of course I do. I am not one of those who are unaware of the finances, heck I did do the loan myself. But whom to tell but myself. It's all done now. I will applaud for myself and stand strong as I know the every detail in the contract, the strenuous research, the negotiations and the stress along with that. "Here's a pat on your shoulder Naila -- BRAVO! "
I thought that at least now I could sit back, decorate and feel deserving of my home. I am saddened at the prospect of having a job, only because "some" think I am available and therefore seem to take advantage. Believe me, I love to work and earn money. I freakin' financed my own wedding, seriously...I worked dog hours as a loan consultant to have a small, but beautiful wedding. But again, whom to tell but myself. I was independent and still am. In fact, my responsibilities have trippled with the same added pressure of having a job. What has changed?
There is no such thing as care for a woman, but there is always care for a man. I am cynical, I am pissed and feel tired. I have been applying like crazy, sending in my resume day and night, just so I can get away from the accusing eyes, the jealous minds.
Getting a job is a piece of cake. My experience is written in stone. I only want...
I want my feminity back.
I want to be home.
Whom to tell? Just myself.