Friday, November 14, 2008

Work

I have a job interview today. I am a master at them. I make the necessary eye contact, I say the right stuff , I dress well and walk out knowing that the employer is impressed with my mannerism and professionalism.


Today however, I am not in the mood. I am contemplating work. I am contemplating society and its harsh approach to women who are homemakers. What's wrong with that I ask? Do I need to produce kids in order to be worthy of being a housewife?
I think the main thing that is bugging me is not work itself. I have worked all my life, but the fact that I haven't been able to fully enjoy my new home with all the added pressure & inconsiderations that have been put on us lately. I feel as if someone has sucked my excitement away. As new homeowners, there is pressure to save as much we can and sacrifice a little, and I understand. Of course I do. I am not one of those who are unaware of the finances, heck I did do the loan myself. But whom to tell but myself. It's all done now. I will applaud for myself and stand strong as I know the every detail in the contract, the strenuous research, the negotiations and the stress along with that. "Here's a pat on your shoulder Naila -- BRAVO! "


I thought that at least now I could sit back, decorate and feel deserving of my home. I am saddened at the prospect of having a job, only because "some" think I am available and therefore seem to take advantage. Believe me, I love to work and earn money. I freakin' financed my own wedding, seriously...I worked dog hours as a loan consultant to have a small, but beautiful wedding. But again, whom to tell but myself. I was independent and still am. In fact, my responsibilities have trippled with the same added pressure of having a job. What has changed?


There is no such thing as care for a woman, but there is always care for a man. I am cynical, I am pissed and feel tired. I have been applying like crazy, sending in my resume day and night, just so I can get away from the accusing eyes, the jealous minds.
Getting a job is a piece of cake. My experience is written in stone. I only want...

Serenity.
I want my feminity back.
I want to be home.

Whom to tell? Just myself.

4 comments:

azamsharp said...

Hi,

Sometimes you have to say "NO" to people and just enjoy your life. Saying "YES" all the time and then complaining is worse than saying "NO".

I have learned this lesson in my life that "There is NO WAY in the world that you can make everyone happy!". So, don't try it.

As Bill Cosby said

"I don't know what is the path to success. But the path to failure is trying to please everyone".

Naila said...

Thanks jaan,

I know you support me in every way possible. I think its just been too overwhelming.

As long as you're with me, I can do anything! :)


Love,
Naila

Anonymous said...

Hi, I was reading your post, it is kinda interesting how society defines a woman's role in life. Let me tell you onething, "people" will never be happy no matter what you do. I have learned this from experience, I used to care about what "others" thought of me. And I always got a negative feedback. After sometime, I realized these people don't do anything for me or "my" family then why should I care about what they think about me. They don't think that you are a housewife just because you don't have any kids, they don't consider me a housewife because I am a student, a working woman and I take care of my home. Some peope even think I am infertile because I didn't get pregnant the month after I was married. I refuse to let anyone else run my life. They can say whatever they want I could care less. I consider myself a student, working woman and I am endorsed by my husband as a great housewife. That is all I need, there are alot of "haters" in our society. We have to live among them, we have to ignore them and just move on. I agree being a home owner adds so much pressure especially in today's economy. Don't worry you are not alone. And just like you I have also dreamt of staying at home to enjoy it. I don't know why you have to work but I just wanted to say that there are days when I feel like just staying at home, but I know if I work hard today, tomorrow life will be easier. Sorry about the long story, I just got carried away. I hope you get the job that you want..:)

Naila said...

Wow! Thanks for the boost/vote of confidence!

My life can not be run by anyone else, like you said.
You are right. Life will be much easier if I focus on my goals and enjoy the fruits of labor later on. :)

Thank you so much, whoever you are! :):)